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Love & Marriage - Poetic Piece
Love & Marriage
I married you to show you love & affection Unstead I've shown you that I haven't mastered the lesson to this regret, I promise to try harder & bury my rotten attitude in hopes it blosoms into a garden that'll flower my temper into a more carrying sensitivity I know it must be hell putting up with all my tendencies for these I ask from my heart for forgiveness sometimes I wish that angry wasn't something I'm livin My thoughts are vivid, whilest my wisdom is gaining to treat you respectfully, is what I'm aiming though my gratitude is spiteful, believe I'm working at it but an overnight change wouldn't happen even if I had magic Need to eliminate the hatred, but its hard see when stress and angry daily become a part of me the rage is uncontrollable, hence weighlifing is my escape Maybe is a comp out, but its why I haven't treated you great To this I know a verbal apology just wouldn't be fit cuz anyone can state lies that come from there lips But truthful is my ambition to dedicate a new attitude towards you family that has showed me so much gratitude |
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upping for some feedback.......................................... .................
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hmmm, this feels like a bit of a hit n miss. its nice, but it just feels like its lacking somthing, possibly vocab. I honestly cant pin-point exactly what it is, but as much as I enjoyed the read, I just fel like It needed more. Maybe its just a cleche type a peice and I feel like Ive read a million of these before. Anyway, its decent none the less.
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Good looking on the feedback Got Soul....
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I married you to show you love & affection
Unstead I've shown you that I haven't mastered the lesson i think you spelled that wrong what lesson? to this regret, I promise to try harder & bury my rotten attitude in hopes it blosoms into a garden harder and garden doesn't really rhyme but i feel your theory that'll flower my temper into a more carrying sensitivity I know it must be hell putting up with all my tendencies it would of been nice if you touche don some of those tendacies for these I ask from my heart for forgiveness sometimes I wish that angry wasn't something I'm livin My thoughts are vivid, whilest my wisdom is gaining to treat you respectfully, is what I'm aiming ok how will you go about doing this om getting a cycle now. though my gratitude is spiteful, believe I'm working at it but an overnight change wouldn't happen even if I had magic ok do your saying your're changing gradually Need to eliminate the hatred, but its hard see when stress and angry daily become a part of me you've established this point maybe describe how it got there? the rage is uncontrollable, hence weighlifing is my escape Maybe is a comp out, but its why I haven't treated you great seems very basic but i get your drift To this I know a verbal apology just wouldn't be fit cuz anyone can state lies that come from there lips so are you mplying your whole apology is a lie? But truthful is my ambition to dedicate a new attitude towards you family that has showed me so much gratitude you family or your family, decent drop i think if you take your time and think out what your going to say you will be stellar. |
Cool, thanks for the feedback
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