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Cerberus
[Phil] Their soul hacked to pieces, with the blades still in place Date raped virgins put together with masking tape Blood oozes from their fate, and drips to the floor For excellent pan sauce? Oh... The limbs are for decor [George] Phil dreams about blood, it seeps from his brain Stains on bed spread and not a virgin in pain? I cant stand it, his jaws drip after he's wallowed in shit Dripping from his hair ... ugh I think Ill be sick And these loose apendages hanging from stakes Ruin the zen.... "No Phil! Their necks will break!" [Bob] Blood spattered, smattered itself to the vault Of faults and open wounds dripping with salt They mouth moaned open with the sound of vomit Turning me on like seeing wallace raping gromit I'd these hanging hands to fondel my member And maybe one day Phil will BLOW his temper With the drool slipping slowly off his tounge Banging to a drum, with his heart pummeling my lungs! [Devil] Here boy! Here boy! I've got the Prozack! [Phil, George & Bob] Damn.... He's gunna stuff it down our ass crack... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222386 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222439 |
This was good man. Funny in places. U should try to add more multies and internal rhyming, but other than that it was fine. Good job man, keep it up.
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rythym here is more like a poem i reckon.. was good rythym still..
lacked in multies and was rather short .. imagery was there still ending was bit strange....showed poetic potential pz1 |
Thnaks For The Feed
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OK, this was good....Flow was a little off but nothing to really worry about...Yes i agree in places it was funny but it stuck me as an odd piece....But that is good, its unique....your creativity is obviously good,your vocab is nice as well...Structure is real nice...Overalll it was a good piece man...I give it a 9/10...keep at it...word...1
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Upping For Your Viewing Pleasure!
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Upping For Your Viewing Pleasure.
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Upping For Your Viewing Pleasure
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This Is Pretty Good Homie I Like The Visual Im Gettin And The Humor At The End Lol, But My Advice It To Try To Use More Multies It Will Make The Whole Thing Flow Smoother, But Dont Get Caught Up Tryin To Use Multies And Make The Piece Suck You Know What I Mean?
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