quick verse
My eyes close
All around darkness is all I see/ Not dead, I still bleed/ Consieve thoughts/ pains percieved/ No one left to be but me/ But who's that without the habit/ let it spin out of control, now no chance to grab it/ dagnabbit from screaming my pain my throat has gone horse/ I let life run its course/ Now my skins coarse on my walking corpse/ A broken heart has got me warped/ My loss hurt more than any sentence given in court/ How can I stand as a man when my heart is in pieces/ Pain is brought upon yourself is my thesis/ please believe it Cause I do, in my life pain is all ive felt/ And now I know That I brought it all upon myself/ heres the links: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3183313 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3183314 |
Uppin this for critic. Dont sleep on this shit. I need feed
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yo man all gud,im no critic but flowed well,real and i felt it.
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you doing better fam, i let this one....
i felt the topic and u was more creative with this one only thing thou i feltlike u could of made u'r bars longer and made this verse longer but u getting better i dig's it fam... 7.5 ouuta 10 300 J.G WE RUNNING THIS RAP SHIT..... |
Quote:
my bad for sleepin... but u know how it is on RV now days.....anyways.....nice little piece foreal i think this one of the best ive seen from u in all it was a smooth read.....keep it up and keep elevating ....~1~ |
Good looking peoples. No doubt Km. I still got a lot of improving but Im getting there.
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i liked this had a poetic feel to it. your wording wasnt bad and the lines were short but ye still came across as aight.. some good thoughts in this and shit. def displayed a little something something. keep it up
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good looking out peoples. still uppin for feedback.
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decent ish here......was very poetic.....i got the flow down on this one so kudos....as far as ur content, nothin amazin.....u painted a picture that didnt have a shyt load of color and wasnt detailed.....meanin u gotta dig a lil deeper......think of what the reader needs to see.....i see what u mean but i wanna SEE it
coo shyt tho |
Closed. Lameness. lol
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