|
yo my first written on the site
FIRST WRITTEN ON HERE I'LL HAVE THE AUDIO FOR IT SOONTIMES...Hate it or Like it i don't care your not gassin noone or hurtin noone...loves much appreciated haters get a life it aint worth talkin shyt over the computer come see me when you have time...1
Young girl lost, when is you gonna learn to love yourself Okies :thumbup: Leave A Comment...To trust him mean that you can't even trust yourself He was a dog when you met him now you mad as shit You can't change that man what you see is what you get And just because he throw you out don't let him walk over you Have some pride you're a woman make him respect you Brought bitches for him Took a couple stitches for him He at his baby mom house while you wash his dishes for him How you gon' play Believe anything he say Choose him over your family on any given day I could tell you not happy crying yourself to sleep Gotta hit out on his ass you still pushing his jeep Your career ain't pursuing it When miserable what's love got to do with it? Makes no sense What us ladies gotta put up with The backbone of ya niggaz that we put up with Everything we hold y'all down when times is bad Fuck a sista for two years now denyin he the dad Tryna escape responsibilities be a man And you won't even take a blood test nigga you ain't a man Lie after lie said you'd always be there That's fucked up cause the baby ain't asked to be here Man she gotta struggle Shakin her ass in a thong Tryna make ends meet, stressed out all alone Scraping up pamper money tryna keep her head focused Hard to stay strong when better days seem hopeless Everything happens for a reason it was written Tried to make her stumble in this game but she didn't Got turned out now you went and got loose at the panties Went from weed to pills to coppin nose candies Ain't had a siege yet but you headed for the grave Screwin everybody don't give a shit about AIDS Lettin niggaz run through you and use you up You don't know that shit could mentally abuse you up A free suck in a big truck Neighborhood niggaz callin you a free fuck Your homegirls havin thoughts of gettin rid of you Stay smokin & whorin that's pitiful All kinds of thoughts is goin through your head make a change Ain't used it in a long time but you got a brain Get yourself together girl you better straighten up It's hard as shit on your own plus you growin up Go to school get a job make your own cash Screw what them niggaz gon' say when you walk past |
Post feedback...i'll return the favor, promise...
|
pretty good i'd probably give it a 6.5/10 maybe a little more but keep it up and you'll start to even get better
|
iight thankz for the comment...
|
aight,
I like the topic,seemed accurate since you was form BK, but you should change your structure..just center it and take out the //'s then it'll be aight..just include some multis in it.. like instead of rhying like dictionary and tree..rhyme like dictionary and temporary? understand if you got aim get @ me @indeph11 so i can hlp you a lil bit see I was honest despite u bein so fine :thumbup: |
its preety good i like the opening aight vocab and wordplay structre was good 6/10
return the favor plz......... |
ya man that was id say addiquite wasnt the best but every one has a bad first time
naw just joking man it was good i liked it had good word play word usage and it was tight man really tight i mean the word play was good the metttas were goodand it was overall a good start for your first for the site man it was really off the hook good job i say 7.5/10 |
indeph was true yeah mami i like it its pretty good but he was right take away the // cause it gets you off flow and some of the lines we're to short gotta make them a little bigger but it was allright 5.5/10 good Stuff keep it up :thumbup: i got 1 in my sig people look at it u people sleepin on it lol
|
and whoa gurl u sexy how old r u get at me on
Jerseyz Balla 24 please |
hahahaha niqqaz ratin my shit expectin me to blow dem or sum shyt lol
|
aight decent drop you need to work better on struture and vocab the topics been done to death but you drop a decent drop here you have potential most newbs on this site is straight garbage you will get much better and thats word just keep dropping:)
|
TAke that from him look at his fuckin RECORD ahahhhahaah * Runs to Georgia *
|
nice drop ma keep doin ya thing an shit will happen
|
heh. Nice for a first one. Seemed like poetry to me. lol. Well ya need work but everything elts was good. Keep ya shit up girl and you be merking cats soon. :D
My rating for it is prolly a 5/10.... Peace. |
ok first of all it was pretty good actually even tho your stucture was a little off i still liked your poem it coulda used vocabulary n stuff like multis n shit....i can tbe taught very easy if you want to..i could help you out with eelvation i would gladly help you...your flow was great a few lines that i didnt understand but i still thought this was pretty good....even if your a newbie or not i still think you came pretty good...i wonder how long this took you to make...i hope it didnt take long lol...try working on being creative with wordplay and creating a picture in your lines cuz if you did so it would look liek a picture lmao...i suggest tryign to write in the monthly picture things in the forum in there i forget what its called but i write to them alot...but your skilled alot better then i was 5 monthes ago i was so wack and herbish omg you would laugh at me but look at me now...imagine you elevating liek i did you would be way better then me...holy shit tho...keep doing your thing cuz i seemed to love alot of that stuff there my fav lines were probably:
Scraping up pamper money tryna keep her head focused Hard to stay strong when better days seem hopeless ^^not bad vocabulary there and the line seemed to make very good sense..good job.. Got turned out now you went and got loose at the panties Went from weed to pills to coppin nose candies ^^all tho the vocab was kinda dumb but it hought it was an good creative line with worpplay and great flow...good job.. NO NEED TO RATE ANYTHING as long as i liked it yous hould be happy that i wrote alot for ya...i do it for everyone...specially my homie indeph return the favour links in the sig "unsuitable Life" i hope you read it all you could learn from me...specially becuz im young;)... my alais is Parallel -Parallel |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:29 AM. |