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The Pregnancy
My period late....That's what she told me,
Forty dollars worth of pregnancy test they all read yes, Neglect. Doctor visits say she 6 weeks I'm in deep, 5 months later shit a bit steep I love her though. Through it all i stood strong rite by her side, scared when i heard the heart beatin so fast, what is i'm a do yawl massa won't hire, so bias with the money but i need it so bad. Diapers, formula, crib and stroller, a kid a soldier i gotta live it's over. Nawl, it was bound to happen i was just gettin lucky, everynite, but now i can't get her to touch me. It's just the way the cookie crumbles.... in to crumbs, the pregnancy the best of me the evidence of.... Another three months the pregnancy past, and a baby will appear yawl the kid is really scared. |
wow......... i could feel this...... i mean like i could really feel the emotion........ that's weird........ any way..... structure and emotion were good............ i don't care if the topic was done before, u made it yours......... i was gonna say u might want to watch the transition between thoughts, but it reminded me of the racing thoughts of an expecting father, so i wouldn't change a thing.......... overall 10/10 wow....... keep em comin.......
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Eeeh, I Liked The Message In Which You Were Trying To Convay Here.
But I Just Think You Came Up Kind Of Short In Ability. While This Piece Did Have Some Nice Emotion, It Lacked The Metaphoricle Tongue To Really Mark Its Identity As Poem. But What I Liked About This Was Its Realism. It's Lack Of Anything False And 'Just For The Reader' Content. It Seemed As If All Was Being True To A Raw Emotion. So, Personally Im Kinda Torn On This Piece. Im Not Sure If I Liked It Not Because It Lacked Alot But Had Alot I Liked, Just A Complete Toss Up For Me. Sorry I Couldnt Be More Helpfull This One Has Just Stumped Me. But Maybe Next Time Strive For Some More Detailed/Metaphorical Speach, And Tack On A Few More Stanza's Aswell Because This Was Slightly Brief. |
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