check this out, lookin to elevate...
 

hey, check this out, some of wat i was writin the other night tell me what i need to work on i havent written anythin in a while so tell me what i need to work on, its not a story or anythin i just write watever to try and get better wit words

them rhymes is shit on sticks compared to me/
lyrics will pull u from ya fake shit down to my reality/
and naturally,i see the only way for me to be free would be/
to take every emcee from bronx to long beach/
and not hesitate to show that i aint comin friendly/
My rhymes will bounce off the mic and burn ya hands/
the burnin liquid will eat at ya hands like the hanibal man/
ill beat u wit a dustpan till ya ears start bleeding/
blood will be so nasty ill call it anal leakage/
those "gangsta" rappers think they could rhyme u think im stupid/
they couldnt rhyme if their name was lucifer,behavior all elusive/
wit them stupid guns and ratchets/
ill be dammed if they come at me wit 2 automatics/
ill come at u with no suprises/show u i aint lyin/
i speak the truth/go against me ill bring ya face to my boot/
and shove it through the ground roots/
until the dirt clogs up into ya tooth/
u cant doubt this can cause an exodus/
have people wit slit,split wrists cuz they cant deal wit it/
ya mad cuz my rhymes is takin over u like the excorcist/
ya so embarrased ya face is gettin bloaded bigger then chris/

just some stupid shit, i still think its kind of simple,and would like someone to tell me wats wrong and wat was good and help me to elevate thanks
peace

anyone? lol
ima go to sleep its 2:45 here
would appreciate it if you could tell me any good qualities i got or ones im lacking like wordplay or lyrics, flow and stuff thanks
peace

rofl this is by far tha wackest open mic ive ever seen u didnt have any vocab structure was awful......

^^speaks tha truth................nuff said..................

virtue speaks out his ass "dats da truth nuff said" ignore dis pussy he tlk shit 2 every1
nive drop jus work on punches,multis,metas,wordplay,structure a bit u'll b doin ayt keep doin ya thing homie peace nigga fuck these hataz like virtue ignore it...its dat time of da month nah mean....lmmao

aight thanks ill work on a lot of stuff then post another in a few months
peace

virtue instead of lashing out on me like a dick why dont u atleast give me some advice,im not a veteran to this and im askin for help wat do u expect

yo u need to work on ur word play alot...but u keep tryin u'll get it some time

another BX member holla at ya boy.....

BX IN THIS BITCH...

and the drop was preety good u could elevate a little bit and some multis and get more creative but other then that not a bad drop....

6.5

drop some feed on my shit......

its called HOLD-THAT-FREESTYLE....

yeeeee man if this is some of ure 1st raps n shit that aint bad, jus cut out those half bars u got, that dont really tie in to anything, and jus ionno PRACTICE, but keep tryin pimpin, PEACE :thumbup:

OM of the month freal. Hall of fame it goes.

^buahahahaha.

you must of been pissed off to up this old ass thread.

Closed lmao...

For your sake.