This Life That I Lead
 

This Life That I Lead
Attempted and failed, retried and bailed// god gave up on me years be4 i was trapped in hell// but wat can i expect when my boat has yet to sail// and my voice breaks rite be4 i begin to yell// i try to change but im drowning in my mothers tears// covered in fear, trapped for years// and although i love this life// i hate the brutality, the guns, the knives// niggas this shit is wat i want wat i need// wat can i expect with this life that i lead///// PEACE

Ahh I read one of your other pieces just an hour or so ago I believe. I really like your content..What it is you are saying in your works, but the format really undermines that. Ive come accross very few (what I like to term) gangsta writes that maintain my interest beyond the first line or so, but your work has substance to it. A very human feel to it. And I know I sound like a carp most likely when I say this, but really...work on the format a little, experiment.. I really think you'd be onto something then. Other than that, great write.

I'm just guessing it's no coincidence you've got tupac as your avatar. I got a tupac feeling out of this peice.

It seemed rather conventional. Which isn't a bad thing. But this had complete normalcy of pain and discord. And we've all got pain and discord, but you seemed to be able to accomplish the ability to be able to express it. Now the hard part is seeing what limits such expression can go.

~Irenic~

short, simple put but effective!!! your message was clear, and the way you put it worked well. it had a good structure and flow, but both could use a little work. im a huge tupac fan, and yes i can see the ways it does come off sounding like tupac!! this was a good read!!

~Tera~
DONT HATE

A little to short and basic, but besides that this peice was okay. It was easy for the reader to feel the emotional content behind this peice, and you got your point across very well. Pretty good read, just too short and simple for my taste.

Ahhh thats who it is lol
Ive seen the avatar on RB alot.. and had no idea who it was.

ok thanks for the advice yall and i appreciate the comments.