Actual facts
 

I live in Northern V.A where spaniards mostly dwell
Near Southeast D.C where in school students catch shells
So many cats die it don't make the news no longer
I'm not dead so I'm stronger with Jesus as my armor
Without God I wouldah died when I was only three
I fell out my car and my Dad ran over me
Honestly I did'nt wanna grasp two years in a body cast
To recover fast was the only wish I had
Two broken legs and tears shed my jaw was broken too
All this at three years old what could I do
Then when I was seven I almost drowned in a lake alone
I built a boat out of styro-foam
months later I was known
I got hit by a car again
I crossed the street on a bike and my man was like " Cross it again"
I peedled to win but cars were approachin closened
One car braked then another left me floatin
I thought it did'nt hurt so I got up and made motion
My bike was 'S" shaped and I was coastin unnoticed
I fainted after 10 steps woke up to focus
On my mother frantic uttering prayers in panic
I chipped ankle now a disadvantage I had to wear a cast
six months pass now i'm back on my feet
Ready for more things to happen to me
I was 15 returning from camp slowly
Bucky was driving and he was sleepy he said deeply
"I'm tired "then he went limp but the wheel did'nt
His foot stepped on the gas we both christian
I shout" Bucky wake up" but he did'nt listen
I was afflicted crash into a tree or fly off a cliff kid
I snatch the wheel with a will to not perish
Bucky awoke to slam on breaks I survive in fairness
Now everyday I cherish but I had nerve damage
My mouth would'nt close and it burned to touch I realised I could'nt feel much
Bucky had a sprained wrist!!!!!!
I thought God must've did this
I could'nt understand the fatal risks so church I missed
Many things happen but I'll tell you later not now
Because writing forever is not my style
:nono: :shocked: :huh:

not a bad piece...too Gnagsta for me..but still Gud
some of the rhyme sceme was gud..some was aiight
and some of the vocab was good....U elavatin'..
Check my new open mic below this..

ummm....i think you should have wrote this a little more poetically coz i actually laughed at these lines:

Without God I wouldah died when I was only three
I fell out my car and my Dad ran over me

the wording and the lack of multis makes this a tad basic, although the subject matter is orginal which is hugely important.


keep elavating.

rea tight piece here man, was really feelin this piece

wow I got useful replies

i feeling this piece on da real

This was alright i thought here......the structure could be fixed up a bit though....some lines were kinda funny though like you didnt even try but it was ok i guess....the concept was good i thought....content could be a little better....but keep at it.

everyone says the same thing about my rhymes. I got wack ass structure, well yall need to break it down for me. Give me the structure 101. I write rhymes as I would rap them...line for line you know..I need input yall holla if you wanna help...or diss me ..I don't care.