A Tragic Tale...Leave feed and Ill RTF
 

Went everywhere together,tha studio,store,even tha mall
That was until tha day we walked and i watched you fall
It was on July 22nd, boy i'll never forget that day
Tha day i ranaway and at your house is where i would stay
We were like brothers, two peas in a pod,none other was like you
i thought you were liked by everyone,i thought you were all cool
I found out i was wrong when we battled those two guyz that day
Cause when when we came out, they had layed you where lay
All i heard were screams, shouts, shots, and the gun saying CHING!
But all everyone else heard heard was me screamin BOBBY BING!

This is a tragic tale about two boys that were inseperable and were like brothers. Until they battled two guyz on the streets one day and found out the hard way. Those two boys were me and my best friend Bobby Bing. The two guys got pissed b/c we bombed on them in front of everybody. So they decided to take action and go after us. We were walking along and thats when it happend,22 bullets on tha 22nd of July,2003. I'll never forget that day. The guys were caught and sentaced to 25-life. i was just thinking about it and then i wrote this. Leave feed and let me know what you think. Once again this is a lil bit more of something i would do as an audio but cant. so just let me know.

upping for feed

meh ok bullets dont really go bing lol but its whatever flow off in some parts iuf u try and read it vocab horrid lol work on that but not bad at all

Thanks for tha feed Willa...Uppin for more

This Couldve,Been Better But I give A 8/10 Vocab And creativity Shouldve Been better...1

this is pretty good, topik is deep n no, bullshit tech -9 rhymes ...
i think try to b mor creative in the lines swap n switch words around wid
mor emotive ones rather than 'sad / tragik broken/distruction c the difference
an try usin mor bigger volcab but dont ova do it , try usin mor creativity eg. mor multi's similies, metaphors n dat, however u rhymed it fluently
and u cud c the passion for this topik in there but it needed to b let out a lil mor

gud post / 8.75 - keep droppin

Thanks for tha feed every1...uppin for more

^^what do you mean by drop two links or this will be closed?

really dope topic, deep shit fam
i liked how you expressed it in chronological order, well organized
but vocab could use a lil more help, good drop though famm

8.5/10 all love no hate

peace

he means go reply to 2 open mics and put the links in here lol :/