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DRamaQueen vs C.A.L.I
RULES LINK READ OR BE DQED FOR BEING NEWBISH
TOPIC=FALLEN ANGEL |
Checkity Check Check
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check............................................. ..................
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Her feet in pain from the strain of walking the cold pavement
Beat down to the ground she stays down......... ...................cuz her whole life shes told down is her placement Hatred and loathing of men cuz where shes seen men are far from friends But then again where shes been......... .................. men are not men when seen through the right type of lens No need for friends just a hen surronded by foxes Admist gems of broken glass accross dirty streets and crumpled boxes Broken heels a shattered shield that surronded the soul from evil Not the evil of curropted devils........ ....... but something that came from better,a evil that exists inside people Under the hand of a watchfull man who cares not for her well being or health A man whos a pirate of the land....... with no treasure chest,souls being the means of his wealth No help her cards are dealt only a few remain face down Because shes a Queen on earth............. ..........yet the hurt is just from a misplaced crown GOD gave her beauty yet no dutys to spread his glory on earth But her prays are lost on the air her mind numbed by drugs in jars..... ......the backseats of cars is her church Hands covered in dirt tears smothered leaving stains on a dusty face The mental abuse leaving her more abused........ .........then any of the physical rapes And now the hate is in a place where love for life was before Because the preacher tried to teach her shes a Angel... .....but everyone just calls her a whore |
Fallen Angel Can you hear the cold fire's flames burning away? Can you hear heated hell hesitating? Whether or not to accept a fallen angel of danger that will cause rumble in the jungle Worn out wings with flirtatious flings and destructive drinks as a few of her favorite things Simply spit out at high heavenly gates of gracious God Following ferocious path of her sole companion and fellow fallen angel Satan But even biggest beast dares not to take her in for she is the root of all evil Destroying, deserting all life Causing fearless friction Shattered mirrors Broken pieces Envy |
Well, I was feeling DQ's writing style more, BUT, cali just came with that ill shit, he had raw emotion, and his tehcniques were good, some flawed aspect to his text, the way it was written, cali you could of wrote it with differant words in some places, worded differant, but overall it was still hot, mean while, DQ, I didnt notice much poetic techniques used, but even though, you pulled off a nice poem, but I really just wasn't completely feeling it, it felt like you followed he topic to much, didnt let yourself free to think, I wasnt feeling the emption.. it was just, writing, nothing about it, and the imagery was weak, I couldnt see wat was happening, I cold understand it, but I couldnt see it, obviously there is more to say about both poems, and i'm not saying it was bad, but both coulda improved, cali take time to find perfect wording for your poems, but you got raw emotion and it was great imagery, I felt the emotion you know, like I was there living what she had, dq, your writing style is dope, but like I said, you kinda stayed to much on the topic, didnt let your mind free, you coulda used the same writing style and concept, but more emotion, it wasnt powerfull and didnt make me think, didnt let me see, it was good though, but I gotta go with Calidizzle here
v// Cali RTF on my battle both please :) |
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