What I Am
What I Am . Even though, I might step by a road ...all alone The rain pouring down means Im not on my own I Respect god and love god for the blessings he give But sometimes its hard to breathe ...and even worst just to live The Pain grows - Inside me ....like an Omen I know Silence is Golden - But only because words can be stolen Iv chosen a road when - None better was given With a promise for War & Glory - and a bed full of women My siblings - look up ...even though Im down and beaten Because my thought don't belong to me - along with the reasons And what I believe in ...Is a free mind - But I doubt I'll get it And for that I go crazed ....And shout at the Heavens My weapon - Is time itselft ...With each passing second I breath in the air while its pure - or atleast while I can get wind Because messing with death - I made that one my choice But I was trained how to live ...when life itself is destroyed So I live my days as a giant ...In the minds as they dream And die for the freedom to do it .....as a US. Marine . . . |
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This was a good read man.
I haven't been into this forum in a while..but this was a good read. It wasn't forced with complexitty..it was nicely flowed with vocab that suited your flow The flow was good had a relaxed..then sudden up tempo i liked that...Your imagery was the best feature in this piece...just had a lot of meaning and not filled with bullshit. got right to the point and did it well.. overall 7.5/10 man nice drop. |
Thanks ...its something I wrote listening to some cats beat a lil while ago. I wrote it based on my experiences as a marine and shit. I used to do a lot of Topical and Poetry shit so I guess this is me shaking off the rust on it.
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Hey this might be cool with audio...anyway i liked the world scheme you used its pretty nice and vocab is decent too would love to do a collab with you somtime........... Well see yah later keep posting
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Im down ...just get at me on AIM or some shit man.
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What is your name???????????????????????????????..
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i like it it was easy to read and i could see myself writing the same thing
so i give you a 8/10 so keep doin your thing and while your doing your thing can you give me feedback on my piece heads 2 da sky-wiley d |
I enjoyed this read, maybe you didnt need to add such a huge size to it though.
Text flow is good, struxture is good, content was enjoyable. Join Verbal emotions topical tourny to elevate and compete. |
that bullshit??? Pfff..if you dont use crazy ass vocabulary that you randomly finguer out in the dictionary then you dont win a battle no matter how good you are? fuck that shit. Its died after 2 or 3 weeks anyways sorry.
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Okay I thought this was a cool concept how you started off with "what am i".. that's probably what kept me reading. The flow and rhyme scheme were the biggest strengths here, i didn't see any real flaws from a technical point. However, you need to do a better job using more descriptive words and incorporating the 5 senses to breed imagery and emotion... Maybe you didn't do it for this piece because it was meant to be abstract until the very end... but yah. I thought it was an alright read with a good concept.. coulda been better tho. respek.
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=239009 |
this piece had real good sense of reality to it i could tell it came from ur heart
flow was good it didnt really go off balance anywhere but was kinda simple not saying im better or nuthin but im just giving you some constructive critism ur words were kinda basic too but they gave it meaning and emotion overall i say u just gotta work on the complexity of your rhymes but i like this i enjoyed reading it so keep dropping and make sure u got some links now YES theres actually mods in this forum now lol..me and willa and im not gonna give this any grade cuz its better off just being explained so pc |
RTF on my shit http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=239397
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I already have my two links in the post under it. but this is old as dirt man. but thanks
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^^^yea i seen i woulda closed it otherwise i shoulda said make sure u still drop links lol my bad
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