Love & Marriage - Poetic Piece
 

Love & Marriage

I married you to show you love & affection
Unstead I've shown you that I haven't mastered the lesson
to this regret, I promise to try harder
& bury my rotten attitude in hopes it blosoms into a garden
that'll flower my temper into a more carrying sensitivity
I know it must be hell putting up with all my tendencies
for these I ask from my heart for forgiveness
sometimes I wish that angry wasn't something I'm livin
My thoughts are vivid, whilest my wisdom is gaining
to treat you respectfully, is what I'm aiming
though my gratitude is spiteful, believe I'm working at it
but an overnight change wouldn't happen even if I had magic
Need to eliminate the hatred, but its hard see
when stress and angry daily become a part of me
the rage is uncontrollable, hence weighlifing is my escape
Maybe is a comp out, but its why I haven't treated you great
To this I know a verbal apology just wouldn't be fit
cuz anyone can state lies that come from there lips
But truthful is my ambition to dedicate a new attitude
towards you family that has showed me so much gratitude

Links:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249963
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=250828

upping for some feedback.......................................... .................

hmmm, this feels like a bit of a hit n miss. its nice, but it just feels like its lacking somthing, possibly vocab. I honestly cant pin-point exactly what it is, but as much as I enjoyed the read, I just fel like It needed more. Maybe its just a cleche type a peice and I feel like Ive read a million of these before. Anyway, its decent none the less.

Good looking on the feedback Got Soul....

I married you to show you love & affection
Unstead I've shown you that I haven't mastered the lesson

i think you spelled that wrong what lesson?

to this regret, I promise to try harder
& bury my rotten attitude in hopes it blosoms into a garden

harder and garden doesn't really rhyme but i feel your theory

that'll flower my temper into a more carrying sensitivity
I know it must be hell putting up with all my tendencies

it would of been nice if you touche don some of those tendacies

for these I ask from my heart for forgiveness
sometimes I wish that angry wasn't something I'm livin
My thoughts are vivid, whilest my wisdom is gaining
to treat you respectfully, is what I'm aiming

ok how will you go about doing this om getting a cycle now.

though my gratitude is spiteful, believe I'm working at it
but an overnight change wouldn't happen even if I had magic

ok do your saying your're changing gradually

Need to eliminate the hatred, but its hard see
when stress and angry daily become a part of me

you've established this point maybe describe how it got there?

the rage is uncontrollable, hence weighlifing is my escape
Maybe is a comp out, but its why I haven't treated you great

seems very basic but i get your drift

To this I know a verbal apology just wouldn't be fit
cuz anyone can state lies that come from there lips

so are you mplying your whole apology is a lie?

But truthful is my ambition to dedicate a new attitude
towards you family that has showed me so much gratitude

you family or your family,

decent drop i think if you take your time and think out what your going to say you will be stellar.

Cool, thanks for the feedback