The Necromancer vs MBenz
 

10 lines min. 20 max
due: Thursday (get intouch with me if that wont work for your schedule. we will work it out. Also if you have problems with topics reach me.

Topic: Write about you personal Ghost.......Something you hide from everyone--feelings of hate-lust anything you hold secret inside---

its a remarkable gesture to have one look deep into his soul,
to show an unprompt event that has left a gaping hole,
mine is one many have come to overpower,
yet the integrity of it all is that it has come through like a blossoming flower,
it started out as something that would pass by as a sunset yet it would forever overshadow my life as if it was the moon,
the impecable moment that would overcast me with doom,
luminescent over my head then fall upon me like a star,
the light got smaller and smaller as if not seeing from afar,
it started innocent just to have some fun,
pass it around put it in your mouth but not to know where it was from,
a 11 year old where was my floating mentality,
i say floating because it caused my perdigament to become a unpurposful reality,
now what has happened it getting around its going everywhere,
everywhere i go teachers i dont even know give me a untolerable stare,
do i lash i dont know what to do; only 11 an already runnin wit a crew,
finally the words get up to the highest ranking official,
to my mom "your son is dealing in narcotics" no subliminals,
aw hell i got it in retrospect right at that moment,
the smell in my air is life i going to be potent,
now i know my secret may not be what everyone was waiting to glance at,
but im only 13 now got some other stuff but wit it i dont want to transverse with that,
so please leave all the condosending remarks i dont need to see the post,
cuz unlike others with my troubles i dont liek to boast,

Alone in the dark as I eat ham sandwhiches
I sit and I ponder, I think, breathe and wonder
And in a world of hoes, sluts, and bitches
It truly is a jungle, so how have I not gone under?

And I realize why I do not commit real crimes
Each human has something to hide and in my case...
And as I sit and write these horrible played out rhymes
It is myself that I hide, my body, and entire face

I hold it secretly inside, thoughts become signals
And they're broadcasted all over the pacific north west
And it's spray painted everywhere by graffit vandals
I'm a man of sex, lust, sodomy, pedophelia and incest

I go to my room where I've sleeped for two days
And I masturbate to thoughts no one dare to speak
I realize I'm not going to fix this problem today
I hide myself, I hide my lust, I am too wicked and to weak

I was innocent once, but my sex drive changed me
The bondage of the ropes only drove me madder
Someday I'll find the right woman who'll chain me
Or maybe I hide her in myself too, and I just past her

that was sick but lol nice shit homes lol

closed till judging

-1-

hmmmmmmmm----
MBenz---this was wierd you were 11 and in a gang or smoked alot of weed? That just seems crazy why would a gang let an 11 year old in.......anyways you had a nice flow going in the begining but it strayed a bit towards the middle and the ending seemed to kinda go off the edge. For being 13 this wasn't bad but i think you should stray from putting your age on a reviewed pieces. I am able to look past it but many wouldn't be able to.As for imagery there were some parts of imagery in the begining but there was too much explination towards the end. Explaining why it was written and what not is honestly weird.

"now i know my secret may not be what everyone was waiting to glance at,
but im only 13 now got some other stuff but wit it i dont want to transverse with that,
so please leave all the condosending remarks i dont need to see the post,
cuz unlike others with my troubles i dont liek to boast"

What exactly are you boasting about? The ending tore this poem up---scoring it as a 3.5

The Necromancer:
Wow crazy realism in this piece. For something as normal as lusting towards something better kept silent you brought it out with simplicity-nicely done.You brought great imagery to a normal mans life and the typical events man takes.

"I go to my room where I've sleeped for two days
And I masturbate to thoughts no one dare to speak
I realize I'm not going to fix this problem today
I hide myself, I hide my lust, I am too wicked and to weak"

Ahhhhhh typical eventsssssssssssssssssssss..for the most part LOL

i found many emotions in this poem.(hate-humor-doubt--depression etc etc...) They all painted a nice picture of the character in the poem..
This was extremely original and with that im going to give this piece a (7)

Final..The Necromancer will go to the next round----

p.s reading your name necro now just doesn't seem the same--does your name have the meaning im thinking it has?.....lol

-1-

o well poems just isnt for me lol na but really ima stick to rappin cuz i aint like poetry

lets play the penis game,,,

PENIS!!!!!!!! in yo mouf biatch








lol

Well i there are gangs who have 11 year olds in them. Just not usually the ones which are have much older people in them..

Anyway, don't let this make you quit poetry M-Benz. There's something there for you to work on.

...resp...

Oh, and you were up against some quite brilliant opposition through necro.

By the way, liked the piece very mch so necro. Coming at it with your usual; darkly self...yet still in a fairly original way...

..resp...

All I'm going to say is... yum. :eek: :eek: :eek:

gay ass nigga

close this fuckin thread delete it its fuckin imberisin to me