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Shadows Edge Vs. The Great Harold
::::..Rules..:::: 20 Lines Minimum 30 Lines Maximum Checks Due 6-18-04 Spits Due By 6-20-04 Votes Due By 6-23-04 Topic: Biochemical Polution + Drive By - Shooting Good Luck To Both! ~R~ |
Checkin in, dam nice topic. Good luck Edge.
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Checkin In
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I stuck to the drive by topic. I dont have enuff time to write about sumthin else. Anyways. Do what you want heres the verse we were originally set.
Drive By Doors locked, gun cocked, sitting in the front seat with Pete, about to do one last hit, to rid a piece off shit off the street. I wont be beat, except defeat and try and get with the times, Instead ill seek vengeance, for my dead daughter of nine. It couldn’t sit on my mind, that my childs life was wasted, And that im suppose to move on, take the grief and embrace it. I still keep her bracelet and memories of her close to my heart, And now its not a new beginning, it’s the end about to start. So here im driving, with my friend Pete, best friend for years, Who loved my daughter just as much and shed as many tears. We coming close to our destination, I begin to reminisce, The way she would giggle, when I gave her a little kiss. This sadness turns to rage, the rage becomes hate, I clutch the gun near my chest, which decides this bastard’s fate. Ill try and tear his face, rip the flesh to show the bone, I’ll fire a bullet for every day my little girl never comes home. Petes saying we are there, I can see him by the grey building, Waiting to deal crack, to the local mislead children. I think about her death, the way her flesh had holes in it, And the way it took so slow, for her to die within that minute. Him and his gang of thugs, who were drug selling fools, Came to unleash bullets at a dealer near my daughters school. I don’t know who to blame, but I do know who to kill, A young black youth by the name of Mark Le’Rae Hill. I feel fury as I watch him stand, with his gang of scum Mexicans, But its time I gave these guys a taste of their own medicine. If only he could feel my pain, well im gonna try my best, So we drive past him, ready to put my pain to rest. This pest is gonna use is last breath, make the most of it nigger, And I reach out the window screaming as I begin to squeeze the trigger……. |
Ok, I will do drive by as well, but a totally different take. This is my first ever topical, so lets see what pops. I will hopefully drop tomorrow, or else on Saturday.
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Aight... I didn't count your lines, so here's 30. Hope it doesn't suck.
So it’s me n my fam - aunts, uncles, nephews n niece Tire squeals cut through the air, breaking the peace Heats out in a moment, fuck this how my dad went Bad omen, and I’m froze in the heat of the moment Worse than shook, stuck in place, with a dumb look There’s more profundity in 9 mm than any textbook Spirit n soul about to transcend, but it was right then I awoke in a cold sweat, destined to see sunrise again We all living in borrowed to time, this is just extension I refuse to accept it, won’t face this comprehension Quickly cast order, sheets neat, must tuck the corner This is Washington, politics, n I won’t be a foreigner From the projects, no opportunity, wish dad could see Never could afford a car, now not one Benz, I got three, Shut out that past life, living in a gated community now But freedom come with a price, the oath of office I avowed Turned on all my people in the struggle, what I got to show? I killed welfare, now my ex got 3 kids and 2 jobs to juggle Me n my crew used to ball, pass notes during study hall Overdue for a call, but half of them in Iraq, the first to fall Met a uptown girl, Tina, we got a yacht up at the marina And my job’s just a crash course on crashing Argentina Trickle down economics, and Africa gets trickled on Take it off the top, whos to say whats right n wrong? Steal their money because I’m a free market believer Sell them their own water and food, they can’t afford either So I wonder, was it a dream, or my past come to haunt Me, punishment for the hypocrisy I shamelessly flaunt So I’m saying, don’t forget your roots so this ain’t in vain Or else you’ll be due a drive by, courtesy of memory lane |
Shadows edge-You had some hot ish...I didnt
sometimes really didnt completely understand what you spit but I dont even know if it was about the topic but that ish was hott...Structure was aight though an had a lil multies and plus nice vocab The Great Harold-You Drive by topic was hott also You had like if it was real and came really imaginary didnt have that much multied but you had the structure Vocab was decent but I liked how Shadow Killed it with his topic....But you was very close but you still might win though..You had some pretty good similies and Vocab though v/Shadows Edge |
NEva seen any of you do. A damn topical...lol
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Great stuff edge.
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Aight Check It...
Shadows Edge: 6/10 You Had A Nice Topical Format You Choose....But You Lacked Emotion...Had High Vocab, Word Play Alright....Your Flow Was Nice Threwout...Story Lead Threw A Bit..But Nice Drop. The Great Harold: 7/10 I Felt Your Spit More Due To The Emotion You Brought Forth In Your Writting. Your Flow Was Good...Shadows Beat You With Vocab and Word Usuage...But This Is Topical and Emotion Threw Words Is What Winz. Vote - TGH ~R~ |
Yep, nice drop to you as well man. i wont be beefing over no topicals ;)
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Shadows Edge
i didnt feel the story much, the feeling just wasnt there, good vocab and medi wordplay...flow was tight as it was short bars but still coo verse, i sw sum nice imagery too brought forth by you...ryhmes were alright The Great Harold: vocab was alright, but i think u brought the topicnicer, i felt ur verse, better imagery, kept me reading, flow was on too, ryhmes were tight, but it hink i really felt this verse more..sum nice standout lines vote- the great harold |
Shadow's Edge- didnt really feel that story much......to me it lacked in emotion
but the vocab and word usage were nice....your overall verse was good...and you had a good structure...imagery was nice too..... overall: 8.0/10 Great Harold:your verse was nice.....i think shadow beat you in vocab..but that was it your verse had great imagery and had more emtion in it.....it kept me hooked This sadness turns to rage, the rage becomes hate, I clutch the gun near my chest, which decides this bastard’s fate. nice imagery overall: 9/10 vote: TGH |
TGH Before you go complainging about why I voted for shadows is becuz People have different opinions and if you going to complain dont complin in the Questions and Suggestions and People have different opinions and thats how they are decided in battles, DOnt like it then dont sign up
nuff said |
The Great Harold .:vs:. Shadow Edge
SHADOW- very nice drop. good structure and flow but you seem to drift of the topic in some places...
"Me n my crew used to ball, pass notes during study hall" "Overdue for a call, but half of them in Iraq, the first to fall" dont really know what this has to do with the topic... that's why i say you went of track a bit... 8/10 HAROLD- also very nice drop. and good structure. but this gets my vote because it seems that you stuck to the story and didn't go of track... 9/10 altho shadow had a better flow i give my vote to THE GREAT HAROLD for the story line... nice work by both vote- THE GREAT HAROLD |
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