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GivenLight.vs OneStepBeyond
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Check, shadows on the sun.
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Checking... same thing..
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Shadows on the Sun
You can sense the beat, you can feel so free I can experience you, and you can think of me Wearin’ a jersey for a tee, you looking sexy ‘G It’s what she said to thee, and I believed…. We dated and she made my heart flutter Talkin’ to her, made my mouth stutter Saccharine like sugar, but had that dash of vinegar Knew me better than my boys ever would I imply, I would if I could, shes my fires wood Never would be a flame, if it wasn’t for her Buy her jewels, obtain her fur, she was mine I concurred But I was allured, my innards stirred, left for words In which I had none, left me on my worst foot forward The glint in my eyes gone, now know no wrong It wont’ be long, before it’s done, she was my sun Life support cut off, you may scoff, but have you been in love Aiming for above, but the deep is calling my loss Body to be covered in moss, ironic that it’s existence bears, Is the same thing to me, like the woman I once had who cared.. |
In this deranged life, I'm living in strange light,
Taught in school to get by but apparently wasn't trained right, Gained knowledge, Problems burning like flames in spring, And trying to find shelter from the inferno is the strangest thing, Over the years I've searched for an escape from pain, From one thing to another, all this trouble rapes my brain, Being cheated on, left, or being dated for the worst intentions, Laughin cause apparently all guys are pigs, and girls are precious, Being arrested twice in a month, be in fights or be jumped, And my grandmothers condition isn't nice to be blunt, Through my problems and shit, and a peice of nonsense, I've learned grabbing a pen can release my concious, Pressing it to a paper, soon as my words are down, My mind in a state, amongst the birds and clouds, When most think all of my smile would turn to frowns, And I'm staring satan in the eye, I just turn around, Nothing can stop me, I've found my escape and outlet, Bringing me to the point where I can't complain about it, When flames are burning on the sun, I won't be down or babble, I just press the pen to the pad... I've found the shadow... 10 minute scribble!!! |
vote- OneStepBeyond
.... obvious reasons. Your vote is DQ next time you do that you'll be Kicked out of the Tourny. Thank you. |
You have to be fucking kidding me?
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is it that hard to tell that other person had a better verse? .... read up man
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GivenLight- Ok I like your verse and it was creative...But I wanted more and i wanted you to expand your verse. You came quickly to the main-point of your versre which got me bored at the end cause I wanted more. Nice Imaginary. The Emotion is what lacked in this verse but you had a good once of emotion but I suggest to you that you do more.
OSB- I liked it. Very good imaginary and creative concept...I can't say much about this but you need to upp on your vocab which sometimes you don't need it, but its for the imaginary. and the emotion also was lacked in your verse. A nice little 10 Minute scribble though. Conclusiobn- I'mma have to vote for GivenLight, I'm sorry but his verse was more complex and had a good very detailed imaginary. Emotion lacked on both verses and I had to pick which writer had a good imaginary and my vote goes to Given. OSB you had a nice little verse but i Just understand it..it kinda at first when I read the 1st 6 Lines it kinda threw me off..My opinion..It felt that you didn't actually stayed on the Topic..And Plus GivenLight verse was more creative and osb your verse was creative but just didn't have deph in it...V/ GivenLight GivenLight advances. |
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