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Soulstice vs Dervla
Topic:Her beauty can kill
Check in Due 25 September Verse due 28 September 20 line Min 40 line max |
Woot, right before my Best friend B-day..Check.
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Thick jiucy vagina.
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Rofl at the time puddy checked in... and word puddys can.
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The ugly duckling, that was but nothing, a high school prissy The kind that won't crush your cock but might abuse the twinkies A delighted fool, simply ugly, but she doesn't know, she's oblivious Adjacent to reality as she simply rode in her invisioned bliss Never longing for a simple kiss, like most girls like her might've All these dreams in her machine, were the ones always smited A creature staring back in her mirror: death wish reflection Feeling like the one woman who was exempt from perfection Offended, restless, by the truth she abruptly encountered wanted a free life in heaven and she lusted for holsters Beauty stuck within posters, of glamorous SuperModel deluxe As the broken faces turned dazzling, she wished fall in the flux Abolish her looks, for a less grotesque caricature Tried everything to try and accept pics of her Different herbs from midwives, anorexia proved fruitless Continued habits until all the techniques grew useless And she knew this much. One way to be darling and nice Was to tickle her twisted veins with a razor sharp knife As she began defacing her life, she saw Heaven and Hell Because the beauty she DIDN'T have, went and killed... herself |
I'm always smiling when my friends around
but under my skin gown, there's this sad frown that’s placed in my heart-its like a omen plague the events I go through, the hard punches I take makes my future vague-will I live the next day? That question stays in my brain, I'm so afraid, that I'll catch a smile under my neck 4rm blade of hate and leak my fears in a loud scream and it'll seems, that’s the last god will hear 4rn me, he'll be happy that'll be just a non-existence memory. I knew if I kiss her lips, it'll open the hell gates, flood me with issue's that my biceps can't hold its weight Got the whole Christian world on my shoulders with rage my back is in ache-I'm bound to fall flat on my face. I knew her moans, as silent like the pit of abyss would struck a chord creating a sound of "hissss” The tongue invisible serpent came and took a bite, no cure now, the poison is trapped in me for life. Won't slit my wrist cause I can already feel, done deal my life is fucked cause her beauty can kill. |
Damn tight battle...
Vocab was good in both it was the way they were worded that had me.... some nice shit... Dervla damn... 'flood me with issue's that my biceps can't hold its weight Got the whole Christian world on my shoulders with rage' Some deep shiit right there... had good vocab created a nice image.... Soultice... damn boy.... some shiit right there... felt it right thru, like the consistantcy, had me feelin some admiration...... tha visuals were deep, at same time clear... Mah vote with topicals is usually based on the vision it created for me... soulstice did it better for me... V/soulstice.. need more of an explanation holla at me on AIM dynasty212121 |
K. Uppin........
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The ugly duckling, that was but nothing, a high school prissy
The kind that won't crush your cock but might abuse the twinkies ^^ Funny Line lol A delighted fool, simply ugly, but she doesn't know, she's oblivious Adjacent to reality as she simply rode in her invisioned bliss Never longing for a simple kiss, like most girls like her might've All these dreams in her machine, were the ones always smited A creature staring back in her mirror: death wish reflection Feeling like the one woman who was exempt from perfection Offended, restless, by the truth she abruptly encountered wanted a free life in heaven and she lusted for holsters Beauty stuck within posters, of glamorous SuperModel deluxe As the broken faces turned dazzling, she wished fall in the flux Abolish her looks, for a less grotesque caricature Tried everything to try and accept pics of her Different herbs from midwives, anorexia proved fruitless Continued habits until all the techniques grew useless And she knew this much. One way to be darling and nice Was to tickle her twisted veins with a razor sharp knife As she began defacing her life, she saw Heaven and Hell Because the beauty she DIDN'T have, went and killed... herself ^^^ Some of it threw me off a little as far as the rymscheme, but the words you used where very well and creative, It def does not look forced ...Just enough but not overdone at all... Concept was played off well.... I'm always smiling when my friends around but under my skin gown, there's this sad frown that’s placed in my heart-its like a omen plague the events I go through, the hard punches I take makes my future vague-will I live the next day? That question stays in my brain, I'm so afraid, that I'll catch a smile under my neck 4rm blade ^^^ Common Rymescheme, Not bad, could have used a little more vocab but is still dope regaurdless of hate and leak my fears in a loud scream and it'll seems, that’s the last god will hear 4rn me, ^^^ What is 4rn?????? he'll be happy that'll be just a non-existence memory. I knew if I kiss her lips, it'll open the hell gates, flood me with issue's that my biceps can't hold its weight Got the whole Christian world on my shoulders with rage my back is in ache-I'm bound to fall flat on my face. I knew her moans, as silent like the pit of abyss would struck a chord creating a sound of "hissss” The tongue invisible serpent came and took a bite, no cure now, the poison is trapped in me for life. Won't slit my wrist cause I can already feel, done deal my life is fucked cause her beauty can kill. ^^^ Awsome story, went well with the topic, Very deep as well.... I liked soul's imagry alot better and his vocab dident hurt he won this through the skin of his teeth in my eyes.... Vote Soul |
both were pretty weak, but soul has stronger fundamentals while the storyline were about even for creativity and originality. so, souls rhyme scheme, wording, and all around fluency brought him over lola.
vote - soul |
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