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[Wk1]rule vs Token
Verses Due: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004
Voting Ends: Saturday February 9th, 2004 Topic: Worry Lines |
..Check..
30 Line max |
Alright Cool
Good Luck ..Check.. Voted On: DoA Vs Kry... Mentill Vs Bigg E Z |
Desperate For Attention I Need A Docter Please Begging For My Life To The Lord From My Knees Asking Why I'm Deprived Of Good Health Capabilities Trapped To Wires Hooked To Sensors In A Facility Unknown With Blue Clothes And Discusting Food I'm Just An Old Man Why You Treating Me So Rude Placing Me With Help As If I Was Just Recently Born Speaking In A Unique Voice Are My Ears Deformed I'm In a Panic Yet Moving So Slow You Wouldn't Notice Where My Glasses I'm Trying To Put All This Into Focus I Feel As If I Had My Eyes Open During My Birth With Hands All Around Me Doing All My Own Work Machines Making Me Breath And A Bed To Sleep No Understanding I'm Underestimated A Lost Sheep With No Feelings Or So You Predictidly Assume Quick To Judge My Character Because Of The False Teeth Dick Didn't You Ever Think Because I'm Old I Want Privacy To Sleep Where I Raised My Kids Grew To Love Honesty No You Desperatly Think You Know The Persons Mind Just Because I Lost My Voice Doesn't Mean I'm Blinde I Still Wake Up In This Unusual Room With Distorted Creatures Quick To React To My Wishes Cause Of My Features So lord Answer My Question Why Am I In This Home I Just Wanted To Be In My Own House To Die Alone Beside My Family Picture On My Wall But Nobody Listens Or Sees My Aginy They Just Easily Jump To Jobly Missions Please Get Me Out Of Here I Can't Speak Listen To My Soul People Don't See Things The Way I Do Place Perspective In Control For People Asume Because I'm High In Age I'm Reachin My Time Look At My Desires In My Heart Not To My Faces Worry Lines |
I'm going to try to get this in today. If I can't then I suppose I'll no show.
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no if it's okie with the mods i will wait until tomorrow...if that is more helpful for you to drop your piece....
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Token, extension given
due wednesday and if you need extensions post that in the Anything Else thread |
Woot.. Key'd.
Anxiety rises.. Fear slices our minds Afraid that danger will touch it's hand to mine And to thine comfort zone I go Hiding from the world.. Like covering the globe Terror in my head.. Fear instilled into my brain I play and die.. but life and death isn't a game Paranoia engraved.. Leavin me shivering until my grave Time being shaved.. It feeds off me.. Like I'm it's slave Controlls my lifestyle and how I eat, sleep, and perform Only rain.. yet my trembling fear makes it feel like a storm It get worse day by day.. week by week.. month by month As a kid.. I would be shook by even Santa Clause's thump Healthy fear is ok.. Safer than sorry is fine But when a double digit number shows in front of a times sign (10x) Something needs to be done.. Somethings have got to change Can't live without a life.. Can't cash in change Still I try.. After awhile I see a bit of progress I've made short enhancements yet I've tried for the longest For the longest I've been sheltered.. Careful about all things Fall to Spring.. Autumn to Winter.. Dry to Wet.. Cold to Heat Rages of anxiety.. stay building up inside of me Hide in weeds.. Just going to the gym is a strive to me Blurry eyes.. scurrying by.. Hearing worried cries The news, The media.. Adding to my forehead of worry lines |
^ To the tip top.
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since these battles need votes urgently..I will just come out and say it..I vote for Token, I liked his ending..Rule was to typical to me, kind of boring..
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I think that token came good.. just he isn't as experienced
as rule is here.. n' i think rule out-shined token in the match. I mean, two good pieces by both, dont get me wrong, but i think Rule's approach did it in for him. n' note: i hate the center allignment thing.. its played out.. but oh well v/ Rule |
I only did it cuz I'm not experienced and he did it so I thought.. If I do it atleast they can't vote against me cuz of it. Lol..
I like honest votes like this.. Good battle rule.. mine really was keyed by the way. 1-1 |
You had a very good verse also for a keyed lets get some more votes
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first off, 2 nice verses... in my view there is a clear winner tho.. rules verse carried the topic better it was more interesting in the approach, also the content, wording seemed to fit better.... token, yours was a decent verse, you still wrote it well, jus not as creative.... like i said both good.... but vote=rule
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V/Rule
How can Kryogenix say it was boring.. Rule took a totally diffent stance and stayed w/ a good storyline all the way through. It was like a 1st person perspective & the Imagery was Tight Some peeps use multis in vain but Rule used them nicely here. In- corporatin them in the story. Documentary on the Health service eh lol Wen i read Tokens I thought he mite have had it over Rule but he jus dint have that same strenght in the story. If he would have took time a lil like Rule instaed of keyin he wudda had a major chance of winning. Even tho it was keyed ya still had a really good concept. I liked the World/Globe line..dunno why jus thought it was nice. Anyways props to both pz |
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