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Mad Knight vs. Mystic Chaos
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em...
Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Swimming With Fishes * If you think that one of the pieces in this battle should go into the Pieces of Inspiration thread then please state which piece in your vote. * |
first to check..........
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ch-ch-check
g'luck to both:cool: |
Swimming With The Fishes
As I lay in bed, submerged beneath my blankets Pondering about life itself how One goes through anguish Loved ones are taken seeing how life is not promised Atleast not to my loved one that is my uncle thomas Encountering agony pain as life for him is subsiding Doc says life for him is short as I feel my life colliding Currently aware of the circumstances subltely walking Conversation not current as I have no appetite for talking A sea of grief crashes in my head like the tide Watching him in despair fearing the worst I cry Wanting to share his goals as I get my gear ready His goal being deep sea diving sitting tight and steady Goggles propped over my head ready for the first mission Taking a gander at my surroundings ready to continue the tradition Soaring quick in the air bursting into the cool brisk water Glistening in the sun, the crystals glare as I see a passing otter Mysterical reefs so colorfull as starfish lay apon the oceans surface Life under water is remarkable its serving a full life purpose Fastly realizing Ive been entraped under water for quite some time Uncle will be waiting, I shall awake him with the astonishing news of mine Walking apon the railing not hesitating opening the room door Gasping for air is my uncle as he squirms like a rat on the floor Devastated to what im seeing no reaction due to the amount of shock 8:40 his death time I was unable to save my love from his breath lock Cremated he will be his ashes to symbolize his true love of ocean Quitley dumping them in myself no room for noise or commotion 4 YEARS LATER
Continuiously diving the waters yet to find a good keeping As my metal detector gets louder of a nonstop beeping I dive deeper to configure the beep as I come to a sudden hault Seeing a large pink pearl covered in a load of ocean salt Thinking twice in my head could this be why he took diving classes? Double taking at the salt realizing what it is....its my uncles ashes A sign of love, yet a sign of fortune he has guided me to his wishes Now living in my uncles dream I shall for ever swim with the fishes |
g/l, cant wait for ur verse lol....i was eager and worked on this in school.....and couldnt wait to post so now im here stuck to wait
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Growing to a young adult saying bye to years of adolescent Arise of a new dawn,a sea which was once more fluorescent I can talk unlike my simple friends of the under water ocean Once just a love for the water and creatures, turned into a devotion But know this is when my life gets turned upside down…… As a few years passed on an what so ever normal noon Briskly swimming behind my friends,forming a platoon But suddenly a fleet of waves crash upon many others The once subtle blue now a tar black, all smothered My friends disappeared look for others, no-one to be seen An awful scene as I see a battered open leaking marine As much time had pasted…. Many still get on with normal life, but still unseen to death Living everyday the same just living to the last breath I guess which is an oil still lie upon the oceans surface Stand and embrace, I only utter one word ‘Disgrace.’ But as I see that the oil that we drink is not taking its toll Trying to reach the soul,making them bigger,not under control Over time I see that their fins which now more like wings I see some of the fish try a spring,just see what tomorrow brings But when I wake…. As I wake to what looks like an untouched ocean scene Things still purely unseen, as my house is now so clean But I look in the direction of the sun to watch & explore Last left fish swims franticly towards a sun ridden shore Unknown leap as I had got closer, now what in my mind Never seen by mankind,images in my brain I try to rewind The once swimming fish now glides through soft blue skies Heart falls to my feet with this so now unwanted surprise Subtly fall to the oceans floor, as I hold my head in my hands If you could only see my tears trickle down my eyes,to their fate Once happy booming life,falling to its death,left to degenerate The beautiful days when I used to swim with the fishes Now alone mermaid left to wallow in my saddest wishes |
right g'luck and upping
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nice drop n uppin...................................
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hmm, bored....so i shall up for active users in this league to vote :thumbup:
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werd life.......dope battle......thats what i like to see......
mystic.......approached my topic well, although not the most original approach it was still good and you stayed flowing consistently throughout the verse. vocabs was on point throughout, some places where they could look to be a bit more complex but you only had one or two minor spots for that so its good. emotion and imagery in your verse was real good, a big improvement on last week i think, u delivered a nice picture for the reader making it easy for them to see where you were taking the topic so overall a good drop. mad knight......dope drop again homey, i told ya stick to topicals and fuck text cuz u are definitely better at this shit, stayed consistent to the topic although like mystic you didnt really have one of the most original approaches. flowed well consistently from beginning to end and had the dope vocabs all the way through to, a few spots where it got weaker than other places but still nice. emotion and imagery was a plus in your verse to, had a lot of feeling all the way and overally another dope drop. OVERALL........both verses were real good, they matched each other well in each department. now at first i thought mad knight had this (i even told him on MSN) but i dont really think i gave mystic enough credit cuz his verse equally matched Mad Knights in every area. so if i cud call it a tie i wud cuz both had identical amounts of quality so to pick a winner i'm gonna have to go with mystic cuz his verse was slightly longer so there was more to it. V/ - Mystic Chaos |
Thanks fo the vote, uppin this.....................
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uppin .
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danm nice drop, you stood on topic, very creative with this topic i like the build up the image in my head was def a good one flow smoth like the twist towards the end looks like u took time to really vent ya thoughts nice drop all around 8/10 Quote:
wow, this was a great drop, i love the whole apporch you took on this with ya uncle and pearl, shit was crazy good, flow nice stood on topic had a nice image in my head you discrib every step clearly the emotion was here love the twist towards the end man this is one of the best drop i've seen from you good drop and hope to read more from you.. 9.5/10 Mystic Chaos |
thanks, appreciate it.........uppin
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this was a really close battle, both of you seem to have the near enough the same styles of writing....
mystic: your verse had really nice imagery and creativity, flow was on point and i loved the way you told the story..... mad knight:i enjoyed reading your verse equally as much, but i think mystic's verse had more depth than yours, it seemed to be more complex, you had imagery though and described everything well...... overall....mystic chaos gets my vote coz i felt that there was more depth to his verse and more imagery..... |
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