|
Thoughts of a dying heroin junky
I watched as he lost sight from afar
As he injected with sadness, and pain, Etching his life into pinpoint vivisection. He leapt endlessly through black holes Only craving to unearth his agitated mind His diffidence gave him no other escape. Support from this iniquitous planet was lost Left dormant in a vast sea of helpless despair As a vessel, he sailed into the blissful oblivion. By the end of his exhausted days; we often muse: Did the ship really abandon the men... Or did the men abandon the ship? |
Instead of a poem -- it came off much more in a storytelling sense. Your wording was inbetween the phase of elementary and complex. So it was just right. Flowed pretty well, I was able to envision what you were talking about. And the emotion had me also feeling what you wanted me as a ready to envisualize. This was a nice read -- again more storytelling then a poetry feel. Keep writing.
|
Have you ever read shakespear? All stories.
|
ty for your input though
|
|
ok this was cool.i liked your imagery and thats what made this good.its a little too short and didnt expand on the topic well enough and you went from watching the person to actually being physically involed which kinda threw me off.its good on text but i dont think it would make a good spoken word peice but thats not a problem.keep it up cuz you have potential to be a decent poet.
|
Thanks for the input - a little passive aggressive though. How do you mean too short? too short for who? you? Have you ever read haiku? or a limerick? Are those too short for you? As for the point of view... how do you interpret anywhere in there that I was physically involved. Doesn't make sense to be honest to you.
|
who do u know thats a dope head?
|
The poem was written about a friend that just died about 3 weeks ago from a Heroin overdose.
|
Nice poem liked it.Haven't got any tips or digs but jus wanted to say sorry to hear of your loss.
peace |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:01 PM. |