Another day
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, friend and foes, pimps and symps this is HaycH newst member to rapbattles.
This is one of my poems called "Another day" gimme some feedback. Here we go... Just another day Another dead Feeling no pleasuer nor pain Thinking whats the gain No excuses for being useless Mind starts to penetrate With thoughts of assassinate finish how i start Is that my sole solution? Fear is about the only thing im feeling As i start spraying into the ceiling They start kneeling Its me against me Notion against notion Mind confused Heart bruised Can i out wit my own shadow? Is this the path I`ve chosen to take Or did it choose me? Warm tear runs down my cheek So warm i start feeling weak As I faintly see the poe-leece Hands start to shake vision starts getting blury scream escapes my dying lips As i drop my last clip~ Another night will be up tomorrow. |
iight
lol nice intro before you piece the intro to your piece didnt really pull me in all that well but i liked the line structre so i kept reading in this you made some pretty good points, that got me thinking such as Its me against me who else do we really need to fight, its only ourselves that we should fear the most and its what we do with ourselves that matters Is this the path I`ve chosen to take Or did it choose me? this was my fave part because there plenty times that i think around those lines, sometimes i wonder if im even living the life im suppose to maybe its some1 elses, coz it doesnt feel right all in all it got me thinking and made some good points, just work on your intro and expanding things some ~Tera~ DONT HATE |
Thanks for the feedback mami. More opinions wouldn't be bad dont be shy... hit me back.
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Nice drop here. structure was well and the flow was good too. Started to get puled in about half way readin in. thanks for the read. JT
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keep em coming..
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