Da Joka vs CrazyE
 

Round 1

10 Line Min.
20 Line Max.
Due: Tuesday, September 2nd.


Topic: Life Alone

checkin in............................interestin topic............................................. .......good luck to CrazyE

Madd Preacher is now subbing in for CrazyE. Good luck to both.

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OK BEFORE U READ MY PIECE I WANT U TO UNDERSTAND I TOOK THE TOPIC OF LIFE ALONE AND WROTE MORE TO THE SIDE ABOUT WHY I LIVE ALONE AN WHY LOVE SUX CUZ LOVE HURTZ

Energized by the anger that enrages my crushed heart
Broken emotions stream down upon my flushed cheeks
Screaming out for reality to set in and crush this harsh longing
Old tear stained letters strewn out across the floor
Trudging painfully down my now lonely path in life
Mindlessly treading softly upon a path of wilted rose petals
That mark the death of a fiery passion that has left me burnt
Screaming out at this lifeless world which revolves around a word
Love is nothing but an imaginary feeling that is truly just a lust for the body
Hidden beneath a supposed love's soft caress is ache and hurt
The warmth now cold and unfeeling towards this passionate dreamer
Love's lies and deceit have corrupted many a once pure heart
Leaving it shattered and bleeding down upon the darkened soul
It's easy to get entwined and then wounded within this lie's ruthless trap
Love is but the devil's promise and you are a fool to believe in it

* The light chooses to lay idle upon Preacher while he sits in his cell, alone and forgotten, but is he alone? *


You would try and think of me as insane wouldn’t you…you would think to keep me contained wouldn’t you!
Dare to put me through trials and tribulations, consisting of deaths so vile, that you went through
I care to contemplate and fathom with scrutiny the evil that’s reached the brink of this civilization called humanity
I would be damned to be just another man marked as the commonly and based solely on his sanity!
And then there’s you! You smile at any and every achievement of human endeavor
Laugh at me, and all of my flaws, every one of my thoughts knowing I am far beyond that of being clever
Get over it you say? NAY! For I will continue my conquest for a self state of Nirvana
Then you will die! The achievements of this human entity, you…my enemy will not live much longer
For I have a plan you see! Of which for many have sought to seek, but failed in their trials!
I….I will thrive and you will die, for my conquest will not be in vain, I succeed in survival!
I’m crazy?!?.... You! Of all should know the truth which has brought forth lately, for I constantly forbade you to even contemplate to smite me!!!
I do declare, that this world will be consumed by an innate fate and will send you ALL to HADES!!!
For it will be by the persecution of my own bidding that by skinning your very souls… I be the absolute victor!
A world controlled solely by me!! Those who oppose me! Will simply be cast out of the picture!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!

* But darkness falls once more as our preacher draws himself from the light …and slowly casts into the shadows once more from a broken mirror *

you i need to up this for votes...this is crazy...what up wit the judgin...come on yall...you all gotta do your part too...we reply accordingly and thus...now you vote....
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igido

To be perfectly honest, I really wasn't that impressed by either of you's attempt at portraying the topic in the above verses...
Joka, thats fine that you took a different route and was a little creative in how you chose to incorporate the theme of lonliness, but the thing is I don't think you incorporated it ENOUGH. It was more of a love/broken heart poem, and even though i can easily see how that relates to lonliness, you could have made it more evident instead of having to explain yourself before hand.
And Preacher, yours was very creative, you started out with the "aloness" evident, and it was also at the end, but I think it fell off a little in the middle, seemed more like insanity or a derangedness instead of really the effects of ultimate lonliness...But thats fine, since thats the way you chose to do, it came out fine I just felt the topic could have been done a little more justice. Joka's verse had a more poetic essence to it, nicely chosen words and just a nice vibe, while preacher's verse was more on-edge, and like i sad, crazy..But I do feel that Preacher's verse was more appropriately executed, and well written for the subject, with good imagery and nice vocab..Joka might have taken it, certainly a nicely written piece, but I didnt really feel he approached the theme the way he should have.

VOTE: PREACHER

yea...i feel you...i wasnt too happy wit ma work...and if you think about it...its more DRAMA related than poetry...but still works...thanks for ya input...but uppin for the poll votes...


igido

blah w/e i alwayz take the topic an try an spin it off on a dif vibe so fuck off if u aint like the way i spin it *shrugs* but i aint startin shit i juz wanna know why u aint vote??? i mean iz one thin to reply but aint ya suposed ta vote?

^^lol...you know......but seriously yall...votes that count in anything that incorperate input..need POLL ENTRIES....vote ya ish in the poll...if you just post ya ish in the thread...its only ya opinion...come on people...lets be smart..you been here long enough

igido

^If either of you post in this thread again, I will ban you.

That being said, stop being so n00bish and just pay attention.

1. Poll votes mean shit in this tourny. I edit the polls once the judges have decided who won, and then you are given the win.

2. You do not "Up" your battles in this tourny..

3. You don't criticize the judges for giving you honest feedback on your writing.


Damn Kids.

Joke Took A Different Route, Yes. But It Did Not COme Out As Strongly As Preachers Verse Did, Preachers Verse Had A Better Theme To It. And The Vocabulary Used Was Extensive And Fairly Well Thought Out. Over All Both Verses Were Not Breath Taking Or "Dope".. But Preacher Came Better And Deserves This Win..

Vote: Preacher