burnt out dreams! read or listen u'll never be a team!!
 

Wots all dis about runnin and gunning? :shoot:
You make me laugh, like you really believe ur on 2 suning!
Tired ass styles,weak ass quotes,
no 1 replying 2 ya shit,coz none ya'll spit nothing that provokes.
Different day,same fucking time,
All the old bullshit,plz god help us + give em a sign!
You's going no-where,i swear!!!!
Bit like me,but least i dont act up like im doing this shit for a dare!
Your efforts are so unborn!!!!
blaytent wonabee's!!! peps are waiting 4 new notes,coz your worn + torn,
jus write suning jus once that will cook up a storm!!
But i know 1 thing ur excuse's of a reply,
are truley hurting this game,whilst other talents feels the affects,then folds up and die's!
over complicated for any1 even yourself,
writting bout nothing,i'd pay ya 2 stop if i had alittle wealth.
i thought daubs + that already told ya with-out currency?
shit if i have 2 read ur shit anymore i'l pray for my redundency!!!

i mean who the fuck you running or gunning???
i think thats just code 2 ur crew for help,
its either that or ya'll call ya mum in!! :laugh:

so this is a call 2 all ya'll 2 take off ya muzzle,
spit suning real for once,so get 2geda now coz its gonna take all ya'll 2 work out this puzzle. :thefinger :thefinger :thefinger

Links by midnight muh fucka. ;]

sorry how do i get links????

Leave 3 or 4 sentences of feedback on someone else's written topical, Open mic, or battle (in this forum) and copy the link to their piece and post it here. Make sense? That's called a link. You have 'till midnight tonight Eastern Time. It helps with activity and it's a good way to meet other writers/get them to leave feedback on your pieces.

shit aint being lazy,iv left feed on others but me dumbass and dont know how 2 copy links,can ya get back 2 me 2v cheers

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244730

wot a dumb ass!!!!!! think iv got there,let me know ai8t

Don't freepost. One of your links count. Which means this stays open for one month.

Anyway, you need better usage of rhymes, words, and structure in my opinion. Topicals aren't just about writing random shit and trying to act hard - that's for rich rappers on TV. This is an actual piece section where you take a topic or plot, use poetry, interesting words and intricate thoughts to explain what you're trying to say in detail and just leave the reader overall in awe of your intelligence and writing skills.

Now ask yourself, did you really do that here in this piece called "Burnt out dreams"?

yeah man i hear ya,im new 2 all of this,i jus like to ryhme,and thought id c wot i can come up wid.need more detail for real!!!! i'l jus keep trying and hopefully get better,alot better lol !!! thanks for the feed.peace

jus keep writin n listenin to other rappers n study...ur wordplay was iight but u need to work on ur flow...try goin to da tutorial section n it'll help u out there...