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i got it
Before u talk shit/
u betts belive dat my glock spit/ i spit da hot shit/ and anyone whos thinkin they can stop it/ first of all u fuckin wit dem niggas called the hottness/ double impact u wanna step get your chin cracked/ everyone sayin yo black y u present dat/ ne thing dat come out my mouf baby i ment dat/ i bang at ne spot where i see u hang at/ niggas like rated r chains im still the same cat/ but i bust guns more/ i make niggas run more/ dont smoke hydro/but ill shoot u up to ur eyes close/ gott better rhymes then ne nigga u think of/ somtimes i get some weird thoughts like when my dicks up in ya sista/ see my name is Merritt b/ but u call me MR/ my guns be my kodax i snap get the picture/ my only goal for dis rap game is gettn ritcher/ i say fuck bitches that be drinkin on barcardi mault liqour/ i be above the illest of niggas who wanna test me/ ne thing u spit it really dont impress me/ fake thugs kill me now days think they iced out/ the glock spit 20 or more yall niggas knocked out'(oohhh) |
Nooooo man.. Stop, Nomore !
You need to elevate alot.. if you're willing, hit me up on AIM and i'll try n help you out.. PM me or sumthin |
vocab ok
wordplay good multis good flow good punch lines ok over all 6/10 |
You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..
but this was ok...your structure needs some work though, try keeping the lines around the same length, cause you started with really short lines...flow was ok, could have been better i thought, try adding some multies and internals...just keep elevating...and keep at it. |
ahh.. it was decent....
U have multi's so that is a big plus.... but your Wordplay Needs alot of work.... YOur Vocab is Amature.... Read a book dawg... Work on structure and your Ryhme Scheme and just keep worokin on ya flow... on3... |
not too bad
good wordplay and okay flow fix the structure and you'll be straight keep postin ............................................... |
mr rogers
freebase spec-tacular |
fucker you think you spit the shit?/
you suck at freestylin so fuckin quit!/ man dude I thought this was a rap site./ but most yall niggas cant even put up a fight/ the end of this looks like steps so you gat walk/ bitch in yo rymes you aint as big as you fuckin talk/ |
i cant say i really liked this, basic as hell....vocab needs improved, along with ya rhyming and structure, i saw you tried to put a few mutlis n shit, but it still wasnt very good...try and think of an original topic...elevate...pZ
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This Sucked It Was Basic.. Horrible.. Old Rhyme Scheme... & not
Saying Much Of Anything |
an internet gangster. yeah thats a new one. shit sucked.back to the drawing board you go
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im new so i dont know but like wut evry1 else said....
basic freestyle, try elevatin n improvin, thats wut dis forum is fo' peace....... |
All i gotta say is like what FreeBase said :
Quote:
neway keep it up |
..I'm not feeling this piece at all..you probaly never seen agun in your life...and now all of sudden..you a gansta???..I think not..your flow was weak too..
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Like everyone else said that was too basic, that sounded like som kindegarten rhyme scheme kinda thing... I don't wat to say, but keep workin at it and you'll get the hang of it...I'm in the process myself...so i know wat ur goin thru
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