Twizted Ayngel vs filed
 

Topic: count your many blessings

due date: November 24th

open for all to vote.
please explain votes..

-1-

ohhhhhhhhhh shiiiit... this shall be good.. :):)
definitely iN

Wow it has to be 100 chars.. blah blah.. hmm...

checkin in

good luck
.................................
.....................................
.....................................
.................................

MANY
whispered conversations, i've taken part in,
Formed
dark evil plots, spoken freely thou sin,
Cursed
loud rudley comments, directed at God,
Yet....
every night i said my prayers, but they tend to be fraud.

Still
to somebody out there, i must owe an ass kiss,
For
all my missbehaved actions, no doubt they dismissed,
Given
me more second chances, when all else gave up,
Taught
me some deep heard advice, like how to stand up.

Not
once put on hold, help was always right there,
Got
undivided attention, and love hard to bare,
Taught
to walk lightly, with my head held up high,
To
have the whole world in my hand, to belive i could fly.

I
must have bee given birth, under one lucky star,
For
blessings ive been given, cover the earth twice as far,
I
owe every living breath i inhale, to God almighty up above,
To
him i give my presence, soul, and undying LOVE.

N0 EASY ESCAPE
 

Wow ma.. i liked yours... now onto mine... this'll be a good battle.

Sittin wit a knife at my wrists, just ready to get to slittin,
Everyone tried to convince me, at first I wouldn't listen,
They told me that my life wasnt at all just pure evil,
In this life of horror, their are some caring people,
Theres more good things just to outweigh the bad,
Great memories amongst the bad ones we've had,
They told me, look, you've got a man that loves you,
Do you want to hurt him by what you're about to do?
You love him, we see it in your eyes, the way they shine,
Everyone dies eventually, and now is NOT your time,
Theres so many more things in life you have to see,
We'll be standing at Graduation Day, where will you be?
Watching us from heaven, wishing you were there,
You tell us you dont right now, but we know you care,
You're going to miss prom, fun shit with the your friends,
You've got a lot going for you, you're many blessings,
You're smart, with beauty to compliment your brains,
Everything they told me just always sounded the same,
But it had me thinking.. i have everything going for me now,
Friends, Beauty, Brains, A Good family, just a few to bring me down,
So I got to writing this poem, my one true blessing, a good escape,
Life hands you situations - its up to you - of what you make.

ok, both of yours were great.
Filed:
topic: it seems as if you were centered on one blessing that you have.
flow: it was great, everything flowed nicely
emotion: in parts seemed like you were mad, then sad. mixed emotions in my point of view.
what i got out of it is that all the blessings you have, you owe to god and you thank him for them.

Twizted:
topic: you put all of ur blessings in one.
flow: great, flowed nice.
emotion: madd emotion. start off suicidal, then u put a warm feeling to it.
what i got out of it was that you have many blessings and they mean everything to you. Like if you didnt have those blessings you wouldnt be here today.

overall i think that twizted's wus better. seemed like it had a lot more feelin and emotion into it. im not hatin, u both did a great job.

they both deserve wikid mad clown props! mad juggalo points to both of you but i guess i have to make my sdecision...

filed.. i liked the way you went on about your blessings.. i thot that was cool and it flowed really well... the emotion i got was a little of everything...sorta like a gumbo if you will... what i got outta your poem was that you have a whole shit load of blessings and you got them all from"God"...and it seems like your a very content person...

aight well on to Twiztid your poem was pretty much only one blessing but i liked it alot becaue i can relate to it cuz i know how it feels to be in a room with a knife to your wrists.. cept i did cut... and yea a little of topic...... i loved your flow... it was really good and flowed very smoothly... the emotions were wikid mad...started of feeling cold and such then it got a warmish feeling to it that i really liked how it changed so smoothly... good transition....what i got outta your poem was the same as the persons above...like if you didnt these many blessings you wouldnt be here today....

over all i couldnt decise for a bit but i think i'm gonna have to go with twiztids...i dont know why but hers really called to me and i like it alot... filed...keep droppin...u 2 twiztid

Both pieces were really good... You both touched the topic well, albeit from different perspectives.


filed-


The opening here weakened the poem for me... I know its a minor thing, but typos/sloppy spelling and grammar really are important to the impact of the piece. Especially in the opening verse.



The message here is good, but the ass kiss comment cheapened it to me.



This verse is where it picked up. I really liked this one... it really spoke of counting your blessings, and recognizing the fortunes you have been dealt.



A beautiful ending, although I am far from religious, and can in no way associate with you here, I do feel your emotion, and earnest Thanks in the last verse.

Overall, I enjoyed the message of this peice, it was just the execution that I felt let it down a little. When wanting to write something as emotion felt and sincere as this is, then presentation is important to really show your pride in the meaning of the poem. The flow was okie, at some places it felt a little off balance to me... but as I said, it picked up in the 3rd and final stanzas.. just those first 2, as the introduction to your piece, let the rest of the write down.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ayngel-


You opened this well. In just a few lines you have set the reader up for the rest of the story... We know from this that you are suicidal, but you dont dwell on that here. You write it short and to the point, because thats not what you want your message to be. It was nicely done.



Every one of your lines carries a message. I really liked that about this piece, it contained so much information and feeling, that a majority of us can relate to, without over working it.



Here, I experience your mind, and its train of thought, as it travels into enlightenment...from hearing everything people tell you as just words, to finally understanding that you are gifted. That you have reason to be Thankful..



A great ending.. with a poignant message, and written well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I felt Twizted Ayngels piece more that filed, perhaps because I am a believer that faith in yourself, and not in another.. is the first step to happiness..
But when it all comes down to it, I do think that Ayngel's piece was penned better. I am a bit of a stickler for grammatical usage, and sometimes a piece is strong enough to carry poor grammar, but other times, it only serves to weaken the poem.. for me anyways.
Especially under these circumstances.. ie a competative write, and the topic of the pieces.

Kudos to both of you, but I can only choose one, and I have to go with Ayngel's piece..

T.

Thanks yo.. but I think y'all gotta poll vote on this.. if the votes count anyway.. so if you get poll vote, go back and poll vote. Thanks :p..

Both of these were great peices and both had my attension and reeled me in.

Filed: I looked at the stucture and started reading seeing it was easy to read and the flow was great. i'm in the middle on the whole religion thing but yet it was good. Kept on the topic and I did feel the emotion.

on the other hand

Twisted: Your hit me hard and it put me as the person talking you down. The whole peice was flawless and the wordage was top dollar. The emotion was felt but this hit were stuff usually doesn't.

Vote Twisted

thanks yo..

uh.. wuts good wit this poll... lol apparently some people with +100 posts can't poll vote.. so iono whats good with this battle. doesnt look like many people are actually voting on it, let alone being able to poll vote.. i dunno i already talked to someone about it.. but i gotta talk to him again i guess.. *shrugs*

i don't know if my vote went through, the window i commented in didn't load up the vote button (stupid puter) so i'm pretty shure it didn't go through. If one of the mods could add it I would appreciate it. Thank you, JT

Yo both of these were mad nice....let's see..let's start off with filed :





^^^Those lines right there were perfected in its own way.. i liked thsi whole joint..bu those lines stood out the most... visibly deep !

Twizted ma...urs was perfectuous as well:



^^^^those lines in ways beared truth and spoke out...in a way a good verbal murder lol....


GREAT BATTLE LADIES !

^thanks for the crit ma.. iono if you voted it or not.. the poll has another vote added to it but you didnt write the vote if you voted..

Both Had Great Verses.. But Twisted Ayngel Had A Great View On It.. She Did A Lot More With The Topic. And I Especially Like These Lines..

Theres more good things just to outweigh the bad,
Great memories amongst the bad ones we've had,
They told me, look, you've got a man that loves you,
Do you want to hurt him by what you're about to do?
You love him, we see it in your eyes, the way they shine,
Everyone dies eventually, and now is NOT your time

Filed You Had A Good Verse As Well.. And Your Rhyme Scheme Was Flawless.. But Twizted Just Came Better And More To The Point.

Vote- Twisted.