Imagine.
 

Imagine

Imagine the world with no War or death.
or killing someone in there very footsteps.
and only Imagine if the world one day was pleasent.
and for once people followed religion to one day see heaven.
children with needs imagine what such real life brings.
with all the hate mixed with volient and racial things.
kids are born into gangs and a war over turf.
in gods eyes wasn't this 1 life, 1 love and 1 earth?
imagine no slavery getting beat for something you feel isnt free.
or killing a innocent black man because of his future dreams.

I'm also going to add more to it son don't close this. :thumbup:

The only reason I'd close it is because you've got to leave more feedback for your links. I'll count them this time, but for your next piece you've really got to give more indepth feedback.

The piece was very simplistic, I was actually very "If I Ruled the World" by Nas. That was the exact feel of this, I think your lines could even flow of that beat if you tried. So I mean, in terms of an Om or what could turn audio, this was a fairly strong piece... But in terms of poetry, it lacked alot of key elements that you really need to pull in readers and keep them interested. A huge thing you need to work on is your metaphors, because this didn't even have any. Metaphors are what's really going to add that level of creativity to a piece. Without them, there's not much in the piece that is difinitively yours, because for the most part it's stuff everyone's heard before. Another thing you should work on is your tense, and aproach. Sometimes the whole suggestion/rant/vent type of thing can work, but again it requires a heavy amount of metaphors still, and VERY intense emotion for it to not come off as boring. Tackling that type of piece in my opinion is actually harder becaue it's far more difficult to invoke emotion than it is to create an original metaphor. So rather than posing a question, and saying "do this, do that," tell them, speak of it as if it was presently accuring... Because that's alot more engadging to the reader. Stay up and keep writing.