MurDah's Warning....
 

Murdah the type to have the Narc's mad at me after i spark insanity
im warning all of rapverse, diss me better start with stratagy...
i pop mad shit but stay true to them elegant guns
while my punches droping heavy like elephant moms....
ya type?, Fake and light weight like skeleton arms
after the shit i drop, we still could remeber the smell of ya moms...
for-real thou i go in.. while ya act like ya fina be resistent
then ya moms came quick, talking about she energy efficent...
understand MurDah dont care about ya wins or how they stack
cuz believe if i was to hit u, dawg u not coming back...
im the underground main man... like jay z got the rock in here
with a flow that'll leave ya grandmoms moving like a rocking-chair...
looking for compitition but its not in here
ya got me coming off hard like braids with nots in hair...
but ya really.. honest to god... dont want no trouble
my guns known to be popping quick like jacuzzi bubbles...
leave behind a mark of dark sadness, cuz when them rangy birds dump
it'll turn ya march madness into just an angry 3rd month...

man fuck a hook....

i admit some of u dudes verse was partly piffy,
meaning close but no cigar
ya tryed to steer my multis an CAPITAL, but ya hardly shift...
i'll leave ya Ghost, them shots Casper Wraped'em
now ya soul float like a astranut, big calibers my clapper MagNum
and last time he 'ask for the pot' even the pastor smacked'em...
dont you know u shouldn put ya heart in sending shit
so i wont feel guilty taking part in winning this
cuz u couldnt get close to trigga's type text witta Marksmen Penmanship...

wait...
nah, no hook....
and fuck a 3ed verse....

keyd

upp'in this joint............................................. ........

eh. its decent. Mom shit got old. some forced lines. similies and metaphors werent hittin as hard as they could have, work on ya wording.

Thanks man...

I mean this isn't how I write a verse but when I do it my way theu say its streched cuz I got to many multis before the punch but whatever I think my waqy creates a better flow thou but whatever thou good looks on the feed back....

Ok regardless of you thinking its hate..... structure was alot better again.
Good flow but seemed extremely forced in places, Mom factor was nearly abused if not was.
Not too bad as it was keyed.keep it up your getting better.
Dont hate on advice dude, you wont be able to get better without peoples constructive critisim, they jus tell you haow to improve thats all alrite fella.
If you dont get there advice jus ask what they mean and then they will brake it down for you.

^^^ thanks man...

one of the realist people on here and most honest my dude thanks....


maybe not the illest lol.... but u def one cool dude and u aint wack either...

Well im getting there dude and sorting my shit out, il be alot dope'r soon.... Jus spent too much time out after doing it for only a short period of time.
Iv only just learnt the punch concept, i never knew what it was b4 but now i do and now i need to add multis and all the rest of it, so i think im doing well really....
yeah it sounds sad but everyone was like that when they started out.

Eazy bro.......

its 7/10 flow was good choppy on how you got into the flow up and downs like when you be reading you get into it then you eazy slip out of it keep working

Thanks fam for the feed back........