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MC IgGY vs Kein Witz
Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - votes By Sunday All Battlers most vote on 4 other battles and leave their voting links in their battle thread...Battles voted on may be from either poetry or topical battles.. Extensions mst be asked for by thursday night by pming any of the mods ( Acuity, Drama Queen & Elementality)....No extemsions will be given 4 if asked 4 on firday night..Extensions are only given till sunday night at the most. Battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner... If this is a topical battle write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa Every battler must nominate (not their own) one topical and poetry battle for pieces of the week, in the main forum...People with pieces of the week shall have their drops stickied and placed in the Pieces Of Inspiration subforum No Line Limit TOPIC:Neon |
checking in, good luck
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Checking, same to you.
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Neon Lights .:: Slivers above me shine like the blankets of stars, hiding beyond clouds, ::. .:: crescent moons turned sideways from afar, staring with cynical frowns. ::. .:: I see mottled hands falling from the night, groping for my hesitant form. ::. .:: Lids close over my sad eyes, full of fright, sensing my escaping warmth. ::. .:: I can't scream for help, my once-huge cavern pinching my young sides. ::. .:: I'm usually supplied with my own needs --- lately it's been a smooth ride. ::. .:: My eyes are still closed, and I can feel the back of the searching hand, ::. .:: Never have I felt so exposed... seems life never goes exactly how you plan. ::. .:: I can remember the harsh lights, staring down at me like surrounding suns. ::. .:: Claustrophobia coming, the walls so tight...holding me, giving no room to run. ::. .:: A feeling of plastic, hands gingerly holding on, trying to rip me into the heat. ::. .:: I struggle, but mercilessly I am drawn, my worldy transaction almost complete. ::. .:: And so many eyes are watching forever, staring to see my confused reactions. ::. .:: I can feel my connection to my mother severed, just another simple distraction. ::. .:: A stranger is holding me... cradled in his giant arms, I feel like I'm choking to death. :: .:: The foreigner ignored my pleas as I struggled for every single one of my breaths. ::. .:: He stares into my eyes, with a comforting look as he raises a plastic glove, ::. .:: The man spanks me, making me cry... what a bastard, I ball my fist and strike above. ::. |
A bright light glowing out of the bottom tubes of the car
provides a sight worht seeing from near or far As the engine starts roaring, the light becomes brighter Two racers prepare to participate in illegal racing, their heads are lighter As the flag goes down, the tires screech the cars learch forward, way beyond our reach speeding hastily, they switch into 2nd gear looking at each other, trying to inject fear The traffic beam projects a light that hits the car's body kit watching the luminious metal shine is better than starring at a naughty clip the 3rd gear is present and they start to get serious their goals in these 15 seconds arent mysterious the expressions on the drivers' face show a look of hate Its a disgrace how ugly their lives were chosen my fate A peeble on the road caused a commotion as the cars spun out of control like they were driving on lotion A 180 degree vertical turn brought them to their present location Putting a frown on the bystanders, an unpleasant sensation the drivers died at impact with the ground The crowd scattered, noone to be found The cops arrived just as the blood finished flowing only thing that was left, was the neon, peacefully glowing. |
funny thing about this battle is that when i saw wut the topic wuz...i automatically thot like MC Iggy did...cuz daz wut i woulda wrote about. with Kein Witz piece i didnt really see how it related to the topic unless he meant it like "he saw neon lights during birth" or sunthin like dat. never the less...both pieces were good in their own individual way. both created a mental picture for me...and i liked Kein Witz vocab...but wit MC Iggy'z piece he didn't need extensive vocab...the simplicity went well. but because i culd tell dat Iggy'z piece wuz more related to the topic....he gets my vote
vote = IGGY |
vote/Kein Witz
Neon: A bright Light When born, the light you see is incredibly bright compared to what you are used too in the womb...Witz had such great detail and imagery of the whole birth and the "mysterious man in white" Iggy your piece was decent, just didn't really do it for me.. |
lol dis guy voted against me in both battles, and plus me and him battled and shit
just makin sure these arent hate votes |
^^ no hate...just fact
I know you can write better topicals then the one you did |
One sided battle here. Kein took this all the way with a better concept
and an overall better piece. I liked the way he didn't make his take blatantly apparent. That kept me interested wondering what exactly he was building towards as opposed to Iggy's where right off the bat his approach was obvious. v/ Kein Witz |
Kein Witz: had a nice amount of vocabulary that didn't affect the content of your piece, it brought it out better. Imagery was strongest aspect in my opinion, you kept a sense of mystery over it in fact. Might not been completely and consistent on the topic but I see where you were going with this, emotion was good as well. Creativity was at high level of course, hadn't thought of this approach when I saw the topic.
MC IgGY: another approach I totally didn't expected from this topic, you took the more literal meaning of neon lights but managed to make the topic your own. Vocabulary was bit more basic but it gave the poem a mystical, powerful vibe. Imagery was excellent, I could really picture the whole scene and your emotion was strong as well, especially the ending had a very raw emotion. I love the last 2 lines, keep it up! My vote goes to MC IgGY because I enjoyed reading his piece a bit more, nice creativity and excellent imagery but both dropped good of course! |
Score so far: Kein Witz: 2 votes MC IgGY: 2 votes |
Uppin'...good drop. I guess it's really about what kind of style people like the most.
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now im going to have to say this battle goes to "WITS". He first of all had a better Structure, it looked tidy. He had nice flow, i can really think about what he is saying.
best lines used was. Quote:
very nice liness used here, so much imagery. |
Thanks for the vote. Don't need people sleeping on this. :D
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