Forbidden Fruits
 

The serpents head slithered, roses withered and birds soared,
compare an apple to the earth, a circle rotten to the very core.

The blades of the chopper roar, as I contemplated the meaning,
of the terms one uses in this world ---I know believing is seeing.
Relieving stress I start reading, a paper called the Bill of Rights,
to the illiterate children filled in fright, soon to be killed in fights.
The constitution is really a myth, and God is a very shoddy smith.
We missionaries incorporate technology, a better way to kill with.

Listen to my few words, even if they hurt, my very dearest peach,
reach for the stars, and teach each person in words you preach.

It's a fruitless endeavor, if you mind the rather thought out pun,
to try to succeed, think you won, and giving a society another gun.
I'd build a stone house made of bricks so your starving children can sit,
and write these words of unsurpassed wit, and never ever try to quit.
I'll sketch words on a stone with a chisel on a hut in the light of a candle,
my hand shaking as I grasp the handle, almost scared out of my sandals.

You'll probably never read these words, but I only hope some day you will,
and haven't been killed and until that day, bite the world and take your fill.

I'll close my eyes and turn to see that lonely child staring, never eating,
having suffered a hundred beatings and eyes wide but still never really seeing.
We're still like old gunslingers for a second, then I hide behind some rocks,
and reappear near the child, who seems shocked, in my hands a large box.
I hand it to her, who can't see my smile in the night and through the gloom,
A fruitless endeavor as she tries to read engravings by the light of the moon.

To Someone Special:
In this box of a massive size, in order are books of our alphabet to classic stories,
Your prize, read one of the hundred books a year, so life and death aren't so boring.

very touching piece, well thoughtout, and very well described.

very unique idea, and you executed it masterfully. i actually loved the storyline, and how it unfurled; you have a way with words, and you play everything out very nice.

you can really be captured by this, compelling and intuitive......props all the way around, for writing a fuckin' sound piece, keep up.

rtf on my OM which i am posting in a few minutes.

Eek. This belongs elsewhere...like in my pants!

^ 'tf. Must've posted that on the wrong thread. :D

this was pretty good, flow was good, topic was interesting, not sure what it was about it but wasn't feelin it very much for some reason, prolly just me, anyways good job man keep it up

^ It's about a missionary in a trible of illiterate people, and it's talking about how giving them technology is giving them another way to kill each other. And he's writing on the walls the stuff in italics and hoping someday someone will read it, and then he encounters a blind girl when he's doing this and gives her a box full of books in order from alphabet and learning books to harder books.

ok man, i get it now, just took me awhile, lol

actually dat was tight
i like dat poetic feelin
flow-nice
creativty-nice
metas-great
overall-9/10
good stuff

This Was All Right But You Try Cram Too Much In Yourf Writing You Stated With Multi's And Just Backed Off Them Give It 6/10 For Poetry And 4/10 For Rap

I really enjoyed this piece it was intellectually stimilating as well as moving. Many thoughts i hope were provoked, and as was said u have an awesome way with words. I really like ur style. Everything was superb, if you don't already, you should like write professionally or something.

Yo man this was a touching piece man...very emotional...nice vocab right here....good strucuture it made it flow nice 9/10 keep it up......rtf on my sig links

- looks for sig. -

^lol kid aint got no sig..and i think that cats Taz..who got banned for cheating but anyways

Nice peice homie..i was really feeling it ..you had nice emotions..very unique topic..wicsh i could have collabed on you on this but you did a very nice job..i loved the imagery you created in this peice..only thing that kinds didnt catch my eye was your structure...and how long your bars were..try and shorten up your bars to get the thought across to the readers quicker then having the reader read awhole long story..na'mean..but Overall i loved this peice..keep it up..return the favor in the sig hell vs heaven

-.- Are you making fun of my structure, bitch? Structure doesn't matter. Would you rather have a tidy sucky piece, or a sloppy good piece? I'd rather have it tidy...

GODDAMNIT.

But whatever. I love you.

Bumped more then Australia.