Nine-One-One
 

Yo bare wit me on this aight i know its really long but yall should like this.........Check it!


Yo I was in science when it started to happen, writing a rhyme to help me get a career rappin. The hurt ya?ll felt that mourning I can?t even imagine. Every time I think of it I imagine a wife waking up in the mourning, while her husbands at work on the towers and the planes hit with no warning. She shows up at the site just hoping, sees the tower that he works at collapse and she starts the mourning. While their child?s at school she don?t know her dad works in the first tower, thirty minutes roll by maybe even an hour. The wife thinks about what the husband gave her last night that was a flower. She can?t bare the thought, and she thinks about what she has been taught.


Four days go by and the daughter stands by the casket, thinks about all the times she called him a bastard, and walks around the room and says ?I was just being sarcastic?. She starts to think back to when she was a little kid, how they went to the beach every weekend and all the fun things they did. Then her mother comes up behind her and scares her back to reality. She starts to cry cause she still can?t believe this is happening. She looks at her father with swollen eyes, she hears behind her a collaboration of cries, and thinks to herself I thought I had a father who never dies. As the father lies, the wife looks at his face and shakes him just incase, and thinks to herself ?why did it have to be on that day at that specific place I guess it was just fate?.


So now two and a half years pass and the fathers sole is at rest at last. The daughters now nineteen and her mom?s thirty one she?s re-married and is going to have a son, the daughter really likes the new father but he cant take her fathers spot in her heart. She isn?t over his death yet but is fixing to start. She hangs out with her friend?s everyday, and every time they go to the beach she says she can?t stay. She?s very much into drama and is doing a college play, she is very independent and never does what people say. Always has got to earn her way, and her father was the same. Every Sunday after church they go to his grave, the daughter thinks of all the times her father told her to behave. The wife still cant believe he?s gone, but maybe she will have a little more closure by reading this song.

Aight dats it tell me what yall think.........

Flow was nice but it'd be easier to read if you divided the lines up. I think vocab could be elevated a bit - I saw a couple of words that seemed to be used out of context. Well told story though. You captured some emotions well. I liked what you did here. Hit something in my sig (preferably Broken Metamorphosis is you haven't already)

that was some deep shit man was really feeling it yo damn!!!!1




vote on my shit too please its called battling Tendecies