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Tough Love - [Vip]
How could things be worse, I was living it up before this tragic
Tried to put her first, everything she gave me, lets someone else have it So of course it matters, love is always hard to achieve in the dark Pieces shattered, fallin into the abyss of tortures with scars on my heart But im not fallin apart, just wish you were here with me, to enjoy Cuz I was giving you my life, and you threw it out as if it were a toy And for worse a white boy, not racist but that’s like a kick in the nuts Now I have to live with the fact that my girl is the one he fucks So now im re-thinkin over my life, telling myself I deserve better But I know it’s a lie, cuz im writing this to you, my love letter Doin my best under the weather, but ready to give up in the storm Cuz you picked up a contender, leaving me with a situation to mourn But I don’t got no liquor to pour, so im letting the whole flow kill me As days go by I want you more, so bad that the kids denied too eat Desired to stay out the streets, just to be perfect man I say I was Pretending Im not hurt, cuz honestly the kids dazed, and triumphed So everyday I light up, to delete the feelings from mind that are bad But once its sparks, I see your face, and reminisce of what we had |
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nice drop, flow and structure were good, emotion was great, overall good drop keep it up
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good drop nice flow like Christianite said keep droping on open mic get betta and start to battle people
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I like this, had a very good vivid of emotion and the flow was good. The approach you took was played out in my opinion but the wordplays you put in your verse made it more interesting...keep doing that..putting more meta's similies and wordplays in your verse and you'll become a dope writer..The best aspect of your piece was the Emotion..Keep dropping.
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Damn this really surprised me coming from someone i didnt know very well... i would have liked to get on this but with out me it was very good...you had nice emotions..and good imagery .. wordplay and vocab was pretty good..alittle simple but i was feeling it structure was on point but overall keep it up nice drop
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good lookingz on the feedz ya'lll
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=210739 upping.. dropping a new piece..called Game Tacticz, need like 1 or 2 more heads....holla @ me |
Concept you used was played.I think you need to shorten up your lines.U have a good idea on what it is you need to say...but when ya got poor flow wit stretched line...it sounds fucked up.Try and use internals or something.
But keep at it. |
my lines are not stretched...just got commas in it to make it when u read it seem stretcghed...but good looking on the feed homie....
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very emotional...I like it,but its juss a lil short...nice drop folk....Sad tho'
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