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Mentalz 1-0 vs Nick Fletcher 1-0
Due Dates
-------------------------------------- VERSES DUE Friday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST VOTES DUE Sunday 9:00pm PACIFIC/12:00 Midnight EST THERE ARE NO CHECK INS :) Line Limit ------------------------------------- 4 lines - NO SHOWS 14 lines - MINIMUM Unlimited - MAXIMUM --------------------------------------- Voting --------------------------------------- - You must vote on 2 battles and post the links. For each vote less than 2 you fail to fulfill and post a link to, you will lose 1 vote on your own match. The league can't survive without voting, No excuses. -No payback votes -No 2nd Chance Votes -No hate votes - If your oponent no shows you are still required to vote on 1 battles. If you don't you will not recive the win. Topics! --------------------------------- http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=218702 You don't have to Agree On Topics |
Good Luck Bro. ;)
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Good luck to you to, and whoever wins, we're both still in the tournament. :)
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Untill the final round :p
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When I win. :)
I'm a be doing my verse on the phrase... "When you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot." |
TOPIC: "If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."
My grandpa once told me, “If you scatter thorns, don’t go barefoot.” Actions have consequences, and one day you’ll run out of luck. I just pushed it aside, I should’ve realised he don’t pretend, And whether I liked it or not, the karma would get me in the end. Tuesday 12th March, 2005 It was just another day in my life, stopped at the store with my crew, Get us a few drinks, then I spot some fine ladies pulling through. Now me, I’m a single guy. No woman, so I’m looking for some action, Hit these ladies with some material, gets me a positive reaction. So I work it some more, and this one girl is really feelin’ me, She giving me these smiles and I can tell, she wants to be with me. We left together and I was cool about it, we had the whole day ahead, Then she takes me to her parents house, dragging me to her bed. Her folks were out of town, we were alone and things got hot fast, Then halfway out her house, I was still pulling my pants around my ass. It was a good night; she wanted me to stay, but I had to be firm, We had a good time together, but I ain’t looking for anything long term. 4 weeks later……… That girl, she calls me up and tells me she got a baby and stuff, I’m like it can’t be mine; damn my life is already hectic enough. So I put her straight, I didn’t have time to listen to her moan, I’ll admit it was a little cold-hearted, but she gotta handle it on her own. Big mistake on my part, thinking about it I regretted it definitely, Especially, 2 days later when her thug cousin came steppin’ to me. He didn’t like my decision, I didn’t either but there weren’t no talking, Dude was looking ready to throwdown, I told him to keep on walking. Nah, he weren’t having that, it ain’t how things get done in the hood, He took one swing at me, then I dropped him, left him in his own blood. Another week past……..(PRESENT DAY) Now here I am set for college, and I’m still thinking about the guy I beat, Loading up my car, and I can’t even see what’s coming up the street. I know he’s coming back for me, I’m expecting him to retaliate, And then the shots were fired, my own actions had sealed my fate. The last 5 weeks flashed before my eyes, my actions weren’t the best, And all I felt was regret as the bullets ripped through my chest. So, it looks like my grandpa was right, but now I’m out of time, My sentence has been handed, now I’ve gotta pay for the crime. But as I playback my life, and I clearly see how I lived in my head, I walked over the scattered thorns barefoot, and now…I am dead. And remember, you don't need complex vocabs to tell a story fools. :) |
Well, Dropping mine now. However I'm fairly pissed, it was different and I had hit preview just as my ships network decided to do whatever it does when it fucks shit up, so it dissapeared.
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“Did you realize, no one can see inside your view?” Portishead ..Perplexted And Gifted, Jake's Index Mislead His Sentence.. And This Dickheads Left His Printed, Rough Draft In Precision Enough Maps To Roam The Path, Look Back On The Aftermath ..It's Sad In That, He Knows He Rose Above What's Rash.. So He Wrote 'The Dove Is Black', Now He Expects Attacks He Rejects The Facts, For They've Really Never Been Proven Just Prudent Students Intuitive Solutions To Improve Movement To Abuse The Trueness And Assume It's Draught And Fruitless ..For Whats Not Common Taught Must Be Begot For Useless.. So Jake's Mind Was Intended For Thoughts & Blueprints But Humanity In Its Ruthless Cognitive Culture, Shattered Well It Was Either That Or Leave The Genious Tat'ed W/ Cancer ..They Picked The Latter And So They Went On To Badger.. Proclaimed, "He's Mad Sir!" And Shipped Him To An Institution They Sent Him To Rot With Pollution For 'Irate' Conclusions B/c He Made His Mind Think Past Conclusive, To Pass Ignorance Hatch Scheme's His Dreams Deemed Seemed Atlast Coinsidence Like De' Jah Vu's Rue Refused To Imbue His Cortex, Persue His Core Ignite His Flaws W/ The Promiss Of Knowledge Until He Asked For More Damn The Outcome, For He See's Above .. Knows Whats In Store. His Soul Was Forged In Silence, His Body Torn But Mind Isnt So His Whole Was More Intwined, He's Prolly Scorned His Time, Hid It Uncovered The Truths Behind Myth, Sailed The Oceans Of Mystery Until They Sifted His Studies And Declared Him An Enemy Now He Sit's In Memories, Alone With Passion, At Home, His Mantion No Longer Wishing The Public Would Atone For Their Actions Simply.. Swiftly Release His Spirit, Burn His Corpse, Bury His Work, Let No One Near It. Because He Realized, No one Can See Inside His View And Not Fear It. |
ok king solo
overall was ok you went with all the bad vocab and shit to fit the piece which was pretty cool might have been a bit overdone but was ok wasnt too creative really but i loved the ending also with the present day you messed up and reffered to things in past tense flow could be improved overall 7/10 mentalz To Abuse The Trueness And Assume It's Draught And Fruitless ..For Whats Not Common Taught Must Be Begot For Useless.. dope line Like De' Jah Vu's Rue Refused To Imbue His Cortex, Persue His Core Ignite His Flaws W/ The Promiss Of Knowledge Until He Asked For More this line was good ok i found that u had better flow in some parts some parts were like lines all on their own lol lots of good multis thats ur like signature style i feel that in some parts u forced some vocab a little overdone but not by much you came more topical where as solos was liek om stuff overall its pretty clkose but i think mentz got it because of his creativity |
Fletcherator - Ok, in a sense this piece was solid and in a sense this piece was weak. Your vocabulary was small and not so colorful. Which I know is what your going for here so I wont go on about how that helps the pieces. I just want to add however that good vocabulary and descriptive, vivid words, help increase the emotion and imagery. Now moving on to................. emotion and imagery. Your imagery was beautiful. I mean, this was basically a story line, so the picture in my head was there throughout the whole entire piece. I feel as the plot ran down your piece got more emotional. The end where you were telling/explaining the whole meaning of scattering thorns and walking. blah blah blah.. Especially with the whole, fighting and what not, it got pretty emotional in there and such.
Pretty decent if you ask me and I think if you Did use a brighter vocab. this piece would have been more vivid and complex. This was pretty straight forward and simple, and it had its moments, but nothing out of the ordinary. Good job. Mentalator - Your piece was for the most part, dope but some scraps and tittles werent as good as you could have been. Lets start with your vocabulary. Pretty solid job, good colorful words and it made this a complex piece that made the mind think. Your imagery was pretty good. I had a mental picture drawn out of what you were trying to get across but nothing like Fletchers. Your emotion however was very heartfelt I think. 3rd paragraph/verse/stanza was probably the most emotional one of the 3. Very powerful when you were talking about his soul and such. All in all thats what I have to say. I think your weak point in this piece was the 2nd verse/stanza/para. it just seemed to ramble on in some points and I kind of felt bored but that 3rd one just 180'd the whole verse.. Good job man. Overall n' shit - Fletch you had a good piece but it felt to me as if it were just to simplistic. I understand that the vocabulary thing from your p.o.v. but, this piece would have been so much better if you would have used a more colorful vocab. Mentalz your piece was probably the better of the two just because it had better vocab and emotion. The imagery went to Fletch but I was feeling Mentalz piece more on this one. Good writing you two and hope to see you later in the tourney. \V/ - Mentalz. |
king solo- good story, the story coulda been changed a bit to fit the topic but it's still good... emotion was good, and i definately agree with wut u sed bout vocab not makin a story good, the simple vocab you used actually helped by makin me just see the raw story without complicatin it, n u had a good story so it made sense to do that...
mentalz... u had a much more creative approach to a topic, and a great story too... ur piece was very different from solo's in structur and vocab... u had much lots of vocab and multis, and it helped ur piece just as solo's lack of vocab helped his... i really like how you tell the story with lots of emotion and imagery, but ur original concept is wut makes urs the better verse in my opinion both were good, mentalz was just better v/mentalz |
K.S:
You had an alright verse, the imagery was ok.. not really vivid but at least your storyline worked... You wrote a good verse for the topic, but the whole die in the end thing is overplayed, no matter the topic someone always dies in the end, be more creative than that. Wasnt much vocab but i really dont look at that much, consistent verse... the 2nd paragraph was probably my favorite, it flowed well and you stayed on the right track, i think if you would have wrote a bit more it would have worked out better for you. Definately could have added a bit more imagery to it. Overall: 6.9/10 Mentalz: Good verse, but to be honest i hate how you wrote it. Too many multies, so it was hard to find the plot of the story, it kinda bounced around you werent as consistent as K.S. Good vocab and the emotion was definately top notch. But once again the excessive use of multies threw your verse off in my opinion so your overall score will be a bit lower than it should have been. Overall: 6.5/10 K.S was more consistent. And in a topical battle thats more important than multies. And i felt that was the biggest problem with mentalz verse, the multies made the verse lose its overall effect IMO. So i gotta go with K.S for being more consistent and staying on topic better. Close battle though V// King Solo |
Wow, 3-1 and shit...
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Imagine what will happen when we try in the final round solo o_O
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I know, it will be amazing. o_O
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