Code Red Topical
 

I Did This Topical For Sapient Speech Tournament.....

An Elderly Lady Turns The Knob On Her Radio To Change Stations
When She Reaches A Broadcast On War Througout The Nation
Nurshuring Her Flowers Under A Cold And Windy Friday
She Looks Around, No Vehicles Or Life Rollin On The Highway
So It Must Be A Story, It's Simply A Tale Of The First World War
She Picks Up Her Water Container And Makes Way To Her Door
Holding The Radio Still In The Same Broadcast, Interesting It Is
It Reminds Me Of Tales, Like Those Stories You Tell To Your Kids
She Takes It For Granted And Goes On With Her Business
Baking Cookies For She'll Soon Go Out, Wait....What Is This?
"I Advice Everyone To Stay At Home" hhmmm, It Sound So Real
Ha, It's Only A Story, How Can I Think War's In Our Presence
But She Grew Nervous After Each Pause To A New Sentence
Cautiously Waiting To See What Would Happen Next
She Changed The Station, It's Probably A Tribute To War Vets
Listening To Her Favorite Swinging Music, She Finally Found It!
The Answer, Code Red! This In An Important Annoucement!
We Have Entered War And Have Just Been Striked At Pearl Harbor
The Shock Couldn't Have Been Grater Or Stuck Harder
She Realised That What She Had Been Listenin To Was A Warning
For What She Would Soon Hear, Screaming And Moaning
She Steppped Out To Find A Japanese Plain Swoosh Over Her
And Her Radio Breaks In To A Statement By The Governer
' It's A Sad Day In America" As Bombs Rush Through Walls And Buildings
Snaping Bones, Shattering Skulls Of Mothers And Children.....It Was A Code Red!

2 links.


this is good bro, alot of vocab used thru out aswell as some good imagery.

thanks.......i'll get my two links

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219324

here's one

uppin for more feedback..........

good idea . oh wait i gave t to you lol
vocab was good but wtf at ur spelling ur worse then ysdat lmao
flow was ok some lines like didnt rhyme
structure was on point solid drop

yeah, spelling and grammar was bad, but not a bad piece, good way to angle it, because i know its a shitty topic...haha, but yeah, good stuff, the presence line was my favourite...but yeah, make sure you write with clarity and precision, dont dippsie doodle on lines, dont waste em, have every one contribute to your storyline, if you know what i mean, good stuff, and keep up man

Bullshit! I gave him the idea.

Lmao....both of you did...............

I thought this was alright Tech, uping some vocab but don't really worry
about spellings at the moment its only a open mic.

I thought the story was well written, but kind of dragged you could have
gone into more depth with the Japanese attack.

Also on topicals try and paint a better picture, the smell of the plane when
it passed her the sounds,... more emotion.. if u know what I mean.

Flow was alright but u kind of lost it at times, and the end didnt rhyme, the
end let it down abit I know the topic is code red but u dont have to close
with it.

This was good so keep writing fams, if u wanna do a colab or something
holla at me.

Stay up

1~

aight man, thanks for the feedback critic......sure will do.

hey dawg that was some crazy shit i imagined the whole thing ol granny sitting there listening to her music then all assuden boom she starts hearing bombs and shit and finds out it ain't all just a joke that shit was raw but if you get the chance hit up my at 16 verse dopest shit i wrote yet but good drop 8/10

i gave it to him before you even got on metnalz lol

now don't argue my hoes, it's ok......lol, thanks for the feed lil s

Nice job tech, real good descriptions.....

I felt like stabbing myself because for some reason you find it necessary to capitalize the beginning of every word. Never do that. It was decent. Not that good or original. I'v eseen worse.