quick verse
 

My eyes close
All around darkness is all I see/
Not dead, I still bleed/
Consieve thoughts/
pains percieved/
No one left to be but me/
But who's that without the habit/
let it spin out of control, now no chance to grab it/
dagnabbit
from screaming my pain my throat has gone horse/
I let life run its course/
Now my skins coarse on my walking corpse/
A broken heart has got me warped/
My loss hurt more than any sentence given in court/
How can I stand as a man
when my heart is in pieces/
Pain is brought upon yourself is my thesis/
please believe it
Cause I do, in my life pain is all ive felt/
And now I know That I brought it all upon myself/

heres the links:


http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3183313

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3183314

Uppin this for critic. Dont sleep on this shit. I need feed

yo man all gud,im no critic but flowed well,real and i felt it.

you doing better fam, i let this one....
i felt the topic and u was more creative with this one only thing thou i feltlike u could of made u'r bars longer and made this verse longer but u getting better i dig's it fam...

7.5 ouuta 10


300 J.G WE RUNNING THIS RAP SHIT.....

my bad for sleepin... but u know how it is on RV now days.....anyways.....nice little piece foreal i think this one of the best ive seen from u in all it was a smooth read.....keep it up and keep elevating ....~1~

Good looking peoples. No doubt Km. I still got a lot of improving but Im getting there.

i liked this had a poetic feel to it. your wording wasnt bad and the lines were short but ye still came across as aight.. some good thoughts in this and shit. def displayed a little something something. keep it up

good looking out peoples. still uppin for feedback.

decent ish here......was very poetic.....i got the flow down on this one so kudos....as far as ur content, nothin amazin.....u painted a picture that didnt have a shyt load of color and wasnt detailed.....meanin u gotta dig a lil deeper......think of what the reader needs to see.....i see what u mean but i wanna SEE it

coo shyt tho

Closed. Lameness. lol