tangible kodak moments
 

moment of truth as I stand there-- bare, in my purest form
modesty out the door, clothes to the floor, leaving security to the norm
time to settle Eve's score, in my most vulnerable stage
leaving myself open as a book awaiting plot's climax on each page
passionate rage, bringing our carnal tendencies to surface
with intent and purpose, his touch speaks verses
left speechless, my vocal gestures deemed worthless
all decency submerses, as the animal in me emerges
as each movement rehearses, my eyes flutter with the very essence of him next to me
letting loose, I touch his raw steamy flesh, as I border on the brink of extascy
sensuously, we connect as we reach to grasp each other's privacies
vibration-- hold my breath, fluctuate my pressure as he grips my hips tightly
is this it? might he... expose what all along excited me?
unsurprisingly, im overcome with what feeling seems enticing--
staring at his face blindly, a thousand thoughts inbedded in my mind with only whispers rising
mentally realizing, the beauty in which I wallow in my gitty serenity
savoring the pleasure of the moments pass from end to upon entry
I display a smile contently, he acknowledges thanks with an eluding kiss
I'll picture this, hang it in my frame of mind as the captured portrait of what making love is



*edited for appearence

amazing,I was really feelin this piece it was just oozing with that something it felt like being in the zone just reading it, i'm just speechless excellent drop, 1luv.

thanks 'da nfamous'. i appreciate you stopping by. and thanks for commenting

opinions are greatly appreciated. haven't written in a minute so i'm rusty, I know. so i'm pushing to get back into it. now i'm thinking that my pieces aren't appealing and that why no ones reading, and any writing talent that i remotely thought had, has gone to shit. Thanks

Rusty my ass!
this was exquisite....I really really loved
how you used the wordplay in this to really
bring it out to it's fullest....
You show alot of talent...and I would like to
read more from you

Imagery was on point, your flow was melodic, and your use of vocab, very nice. You painted a picture in my mind, and not just the scene unfolding, but the rush of emotion just leading up to the Act. So sensual, so pure and so symbolic, you put Love making into a refreshing and glorious light. Something that has been erroded over time and conquest. I really respect your message and the creativity you used to get it across. When most of us make less of something truley remarkable, you remind us that unification is pure, not tarnished in this piece. I really liked this post, I have total respect for you talent with words..

thanks you two (soultress and bounceydoggydog). Thanks for peeping and dropping a post. Believe, I will do the same.

is this it? 3 post out of 47 views?

fuckin horrible

if you have an opinion state it, postive or negative.

I'm sorry it took so long to respond, I was busy retrieving my jaw from the floor. How to put it; you put into words something that is wonderous and beautiful and you didn't cheapen it. In fact you made it a little more interesting because you described it so delicately. Basically the topic was off the hook because your style made it that way. As far as the flow and vocabulary..................

passionate rage, bringing our carnal tendencies to surface
with intent and purpose, his touch speaks verses
left speechless, my vocal gestures deemed worthless

superb inter bar rhyming and when you speak it out loud it rolls of the toungue in glorious fashion. Very seldom do you hear multi's in poetry but I think this is the closest I have ever seen.
In closing this IS ART one of the best pieces I've seen in a long while. 1

p.s. sorry I had to quote these lines............................................. ...

-mentally realizing, the beauty in which I wallow in my gitty serenity
savoring the pleasure of the moments pass from end to upon entry

wow... amazing piece baby girl. Really really liked this. You just described what perfect love making is all about.
The emotions, the vocab, the wordplay... everything was just there, which made this an excellent piece.
Keep dropping shit like this, I'm looking forward to your next post.

Peace

it was alot of things in here that made me think and i could picture some of the things u were talkin bout....

dis was my favorite part:

left speechless, my vocal gestures deemed worthless
all decency submerses, as the animal in me emerges
as each movement rehearses, my eyes flutter with the very essence of him next to me
letting loose, I touch his raw steamy flesh, as I border on the brink of extascy

i have a second part to this... but before i post it, i'd like some more critiques.. how's structure, precision, transition?

To me, structure does not matter too much. It all accounts to the way words flow that matters. I had no problems there. Also your use of vocabulary painted a vivid picture and unlike alot of pieces in poetic scriptures and in Open Mic(where I venture more often) You didn't overuse the vocabulary and it seemed to make sense. This was a nice piece, nice to read, beautiful execution to portray emotions, just an overall good poetic drop.

The first part reminded me of this film i watched called 'Eve's Bayou'. About this little girl who kills her father (who she loves) out of rage that he 'touched' her sister. But as i kept on reading, i could see it'd a tainted and dark mind to write a piece like this and be talking about 'that'. And of course, if you are, then i congratulate you and slap myself.

Towards the middle it started to loose it's subtelty. Became more raw and blunt. Which i felt made it loose it's momentum a bit.

But then it got back into the rythm. And ended well.

Overall, though the middle a bit akward n all that, a resounding and telling piece.

...resp...

when people say this piece was amazing...there is no lie in thier statements...this was an awesome piece...after reading this i felt inspired...you have a nice writing style...flowed well...imagery was on point....good ish...STAY UP