Non Capisco vs Fables
 

Battle Rules:

14-16 lines.
No Crew Votes.
No Recycling.
No Biting.
3-0 K.O ;).

Poetry battle.
Topic: Driving to the hospital.



Minimum posts to vote: 350

Check in by: 05-07-05 at 11:53 AM

Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in.

Fables has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-07-05 11:24 AM.

Non Capisco has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-07-05 11:29 AM.

Voted For: Non Capisco

Eyes tightly screwed to the road, fixed on the trail.
Casualty in the rear seat, gasping for whisps of air.
Pupils dilated, attention divided between concrete & life.
Victim suffering, from a fatal blow, barely clinging to sanity.
Glancing at the dashboard, 3:23 am...No traffic lingering.
Clear road to grace upon, tyres scorching the path.
Trickling down the upholstery, waves of blood batter my trainer.
Accelerating at an impeccable pace, time flamboyantly dissolves.
Into the streetlamps, light glares at my purpose, the victim can see it.
"I...I can see a light" his skin pigment fades, nearly at our destination.
This situation rapidly exasturbating, another 2 miles to go.
I throw looks of desperation at the casualty, I cannot fail.
To save this life, its in my bloody hands, I must not panic.
His expression now motionless, vacant & wallowing a deathly silence.

Only noise emerging, is the victim grunting..& clutching his chest.
But the hospitals purpose is not relevant, as the victim drew his last breath

A REALLY NICE VERSE SUM GOOD LINES IN DAT BUT WOZ MISSIN SUMMAT
=7/10


VS


here we are once more, 55 on the 94, rosary swaying on the dashboard
open windows for the air conditioner, nothing works in this damn Accord
hands upon a stretched abdomen, your true beauty radiates from your tears
the infinite possibilities have all but narrowed down as you face your final fears
the look in your eyes, like a child reading a fable your imagination's running wild
the space now is the only thing that keeps you calm n able, approaching the last miles
9 months ago you made the commitment that fore shadowed this mid summer drive
ultra sounds , the visual aspect of human form running through these veins of mine
so many times the questions of "why" while I sat in this drivers seat during the previous
the devious minds always told me lies how "they could never see us doing this"
connecting with the center of the steering wheel, so scared, veins popping in my neck
our relation...ship never really sailed til you told me the results from a pregnancy test
your longing for physical peace has the stress on your body leaking all over your seat
not the least-bit discrete you huff and puff faster,"baby St. Johns is just down the Street!"
proof in my actions me here on this precarious drive to the ER,"i'm lucky i called her"
we arrive, get you on the stretcher, sit down "damn i love her, if only i was the father"
NON CAPISO HAD A REALLY TITE VERSE, IT SOUNDED ALOT BETTER CUZ HE RHYMED IT.......IT TOUCHED MY HEART LOL.......
=8/10

V/Non Capisco

thanks......... uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppin

Voted For: Non Capisco

LMMFAO at tha ending. dope shit. fable, ya shit didnt even ryme. but duzznt it not matter if it rymez fo this kinda thang?... i dunno, but i still liked non capiscos verse better. tha ending wuz dope.

we arrive, get you on the stretcher, sit down "damn i love her, if only i was the father"

HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAH, that shits ill. no hate fable, werd

Voted For: Non Capisco

Fables: it's a hard topic to approach in a creative way so everything comes down to emotion and imagery in fact. Strongest aspect of your piece was the imagery in my opinion, I could picture the whole drive to the hospital as if a movie was playing in front of my eyes. The vocabulary was excellent, found a nice balance between basic and complex. Flow was okay, some stretched lines here and there though which made it fell off. Emotion was strong as well, the realization that the patient's life depended on him and such. Enjoyed reading this drop! :thumbup:

Non Capisco: this is a more original approach of the topic which allows you to use very pure emotion. Imagery was great, I could really see the car with the pregnant woman, man looking at her puffing. Emotion was very good and I especially love the twist as it turns out he's not the father yet he cares so much about her and about the child inside of her. Flow was good, bit stretched here and there but multis made up for that. Vocabulary was right on point, had nice complexity yet it remained easy to understand. Very nice piece!

This is a hard battle to decide one because it was very close in fact, both used anoter approach and had deep emotion as well as imagery. In the end my vote goes to Non Capisco because I feel he had stronger emotion and a great twist in the end. No hate whatsoever, both came dope!

3-0 k.o i win dizzle my battle-izzle horray...pimping

upp'n this someone close this up ....jhjkhjgertyuyutryytj

This was feedback posted for Non Capisco
 

dogg u did it again i always enjoy readin your topicals good vocab good structure good rymes good flow kinda of deep to homie good drop
fabels your was ight but nuthin great vocab was simple streached sum of your lines flow was a lil off goo drop but not as eefective as capsico kkep droppin and return tha favour,...................

Voted For: Non Capisco

fables-nice imagery n pretty good vocab throughout..
good use of the topic, definately stayed on track
the points i wasnt feeling was the ryhmin, i kno its not
tottally relevent in poetry but it helps follow the verse
as a whole in my opinion....thats basically 1 point i wasnt feeling on your drop.
.
non capisco-i liked your approach on this topic more to start with, imagery was solid , you protrayed the topic to a T..
i appreciated the fact you ryhmed in most of your bars n your complete drop was very easy to follow....
both had good drops but i was feelin caps more so, just more work was put into it..

thanks i'd like to up this so i can get it closed./.......

Voted For: Non Capisco

this was a dope battle...............

non capisco.........u had a nice drop and i know in poetry battles it don't matter if it don't rhyme but you still had ures doing that which made it flow through a little better. the idea was nice and ya stayed on ya topic all the way through, vocabs was nice to, some complex shit there. a lot of feeling in the verse man and ya did well to deliver the image of the topic through ya words so overall 8/10

Fables......nice drop, ya didn't rhyme yours but it still was nice. vocabs was decent to and ya stayed on topic throughout. ya had some nice feeling in ya drop to and i cud definitely picture what you was trying to deliver, i thought the topic was a decent one cuz ya can approach it many different ways i just think that capisco came a it better and the fact that he rhymed his to made it flow just that little bit better. overall 7/10

V/ - Non Capisco