Distorted World
 

Distorted World:

Tears of sorrow flood into waves, crashing into the bed of red water
A sea of blood revealing God’s massacre, and the holy lands filled with slaughter
Dead virgin daughters, black rain showers down upon the emaciated corpses
Mutilated cadavers, their innocent souls collected by reapers on black horses
The enemies of world rulers cut a swathe through the great structures
Decimated to ruins, rubble rains and sheathes to the ground, alliances ruptured
Men evolved to lackadaisical creatures, rise of the machines, the fall of Rome in a new generation
Armageddon unleashes itself upon the unsuspecting vulnerable souls of the powerful nations
A vast loss of great minds no longer embarked on a metaphysical journey to the constellations
Apocalypse, led by relations of God’s creations showcase a paradise flourished with the thorns of temptation
Altered time in alternate worlds, the angels of light and darkness in preparation
No hesitation, the subterfuge and masquerades of hells snakes remain impatient
A prophecy comes to pass, swept our race, left a chaotic land, no safe haven
The clash of titan’s leaves a dark tranquility, churches reduced to dust, a burning asylum
A blain compliment, as the blackhole envelops the galaxy, then darkness falls, a godsend
As the sun burns out to ash, contorted people put to rest, a distorted world, come to an end

ok, now from the one i just read this has made a quick change for the less, now the otherone had good flow and structure this has an extended flow and the structure is and looks choppy. there was parts i felt could have used a little bit more UMPH to just get you over that little hump of getting bored in your poem. showed very nice intensity. this was nicely written just need to tidy it up and make it look better.

..................................... :shoot:

Say Thank You...

^^^^^ I did in my other thread you foo', and I was gonna add you to msn till it fucked up

........................................ :shoot: