had to get shyt off my chest
 

i dont give a fuk
here it is
(the criticizing part isnt abot this piece its about life alotogether)
by the way this is supposed to be like DEF JAM so if ur not familiar with it ur not gunna get the flow of it just tell ya

i need an answer to all of lifes mystery,
wat do i do when love becomes history
confusing unfathomable thoughts surficees,
entices my mind into delirious conundrums forever ....revolving......
What do i do when life throws curve balls left and right?
do i just stay and take the hits or do i just avoid dem
stacked complications high as the sky
without a single filament of happiness,,
but what is happiness???
can it really be defined???
or is it just an overused word for transient feelings of extacy?
all i have left is my writing,, which NOONE can take away from me,
not YOU not anyone..
i dont give a fuk if it sux if you dont get it if it dont rhyme
just dont waste your fuking time..
criticizing me when u dont even kno shyt
worry about your own problems cuz everyone has skeletons in their closets..
sum plenty.. sum few.......
sum more than others but what im sayin here is tru
we all have problems to deal with
im just fukin tired of fukin people talkin down on me when dey dont even kno me.
i mean who am i? do u kNO me.
you may know my name, my interests my passion my dislikes, BUT do u KNO me??
do u kno wat i do when im by myself??
all the hurt i go thru and all the strife?
to be concise- im not writing dis to get sympathy
just writing so people can see.
i have NOONE to depend on -to rely on, hell i dont even kno my firends
where we suppose stay bros til the very end
fuk if its like dat i shouldnt even try
id rather die- id rather lie in a haystack full of needles-
rather than just living life being feeble-
being weak...........
im alone in this world i need sum light shed down on me
i want to be free- i want to be happy...
but when i see a pigment of it- it disapears instantaneously..
im just writing these are my thoughts-- when theyre not thought out
but faril i dont kno wat to do anymore
idont even kno y i should keep on livin...
a lie -
fuk it i dont even kno if i kno me-
i mean different identities, emities, styles and stages
i need the ONE where i can keep for the ages
i dont KNO wat im here for
i mean wat is my purpose
is my life this worthless??
i can assure you tho. that the people i kno
dont know..
me....

did it in like couple of minutes so its not thought out just free versing
links
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=243132
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3174494

It was bad but not that bad. The thought and feeling were good but the flow sucked. I couldnt catch it for shit. maybe you should try using bars in between verses. I couldnt cypher them out.Also you seemed like you were struggling at the end. your wordplay and vocab started slipping. all in all I give it a 6/10. Keep spittin homy

it was suppose to be like DEF JAM POETRY i guess your not familiar with it watever tho
different styles homy

uppin for feed i kno its not wat ur useed to but peep dis peepz

uppin for sum feed..

still uppin peepz

i agree wit homie shit ran on 2 long and no flow really this a rap/hip-hop site u wanna post poetry do so in the proper section or ur bound for clownin...i kno it sucks but i didnt make the rules...lol jus keep workin at it though stay up

it was ok..needs better structure