Yo check this out!
 

tell me what u think, i know i got some problems in here but just help me out where i can be better, And i just started like 1 month ago
Ay yo
I cut with razor blades//
like shoulder blades//
See the line that i made//
down ur vertabrate//
Its ok//
But u might die the next day//
Like Eminem said to Dre" Yall betta make way"//
U still cant comprehend the words that i spit//
U 4got who this is... its Spittin Quik//
Comin through with this shit//
Im like a mechanical pencil//
Pushed in 2 feed u lead//
With letter stencils//
Put Quik initials in yo head//
Cuz im that nice//
Leavin niggas shook out they draws like the Poltergiest//
And ill leave u spirtually hopeless/
Like a T.V show with no hostess//
And what i tell u.. i won this battle//
Here u go post this//

your rhymes were straight but they should be longer

try to stay more on-point. Your lines don't lead into your next very well. And try to extend your lines. like smokey said, it will improve your structure and make it easier for readers to carry the flow. Other than that, the content has potential, keep spittin.

LMFAO iigh who sadi they were str8 ill bestr8 tha didn make sense so nex time u write unemceeable or whaeva thinbk abotu wh yo writting n aftas elevating which will prolly take yrs haha work on punchesn multis iigh fella EZ

haha getting my spelling is easier then gettn yo flow so farrrr

^^^your not saying anything your just saying something because it rhymes try putting some type of meaning behind your rhymes.

and you should have wrote it like this

"I cut with razor blades like shoulder blades//"

even though thats a wack line it looks better like that.



never for any reason never ever make a 2 word line.

just try sticking to the topic and make your lines longer

i tried to restructure it so you see what i mean.

"Ay yo
I cut with razor blades like shoulder blades//
See the line that i made down ur vertabrate//
Its ok But u might die the next day//
Like Eminem said to Dre" Yall betta make way"//
U still cant comprehend the words that i spit//
U 4got who this is its Spittin Quik Comin through with this shit//
Im like a mechanical pencil Pushed in 2 feed u lead//
With letter stencils Put Quik initials in yo head//
Cuz im that nice//
Leavin niggas shook out they draws like the Poltergiest//
And ill leave u spirtually hopeless Like a T.V show with no hostess//
And what i tell u i won this battle Here u go post this//"


try writing it more like that just keep writing you sound alot like me when i started. if you need any helo with your rhymes PM if im on the same time as you ill try to help.

well im glad sum one has patients to help elevate wackness

all you gotta do is stop writting rhymes because they rhyme. write em because they mean something to you.. drag ur sentances out a little put rhymers at the ends. then once you get the hang of it you can add twists in the middle. still keep up the good work..