Anopheles
when that pupal skin splits..
i tread water and wait to dry in a godlike manner this pond was once my manor but now i must fly and now i'm despised cos me and my army make the deaf privilleged we'll pillage a village or two the villains who witness that blood is not red but blue and chances are you've bled when we used a tube and left your veins abused i'm a noisy acupuncturist and you're thinkin i ought to have you done for this but whats the harm? its just a bit of blood between friends from your leg,face or arm and if i've been spotted you might just extent a hand resulting in a bloodied palm but the sullied calm is short the swarm will attack from their aeronautical fort but of course you can net the windows and spray a myst of molecular police however there'll always be a hum to wake you from your sleep and the swat team keeps missing by a mile and thus in a beat of wings.. i spot a body of warmth standing in the crop his young face mourns as he meddles in the plot and the dark sunken eyes drop as his skinny extended stomach demands and summons a square meal but bare heeled he conceals his hunger and almost beckons my bite so i strike plunging my proboscis into the bony skull of lost wits i plunge my needle nose skin deep and more into the dermatitis of woes and the nectar flows into my belly which is rapidly swelling now i've turned red and the dark skin from which i've fed doesnt notice a thing cos the sting swells up after i've had a drink and it wouldnt be fair if i took without giving cos that living person i just bit was a kid and now he's sick he just doesnt know it injected with an infectious disease he'll join the 1 million others who are buried as their families shed tears of grief at the grave side crumpled at the knees... dont share fuckin needles? tell that to the African children of the fields who's crop yield.. was Malaria |
iight...
Strong message your getting through there... Its so true... Imagery was good... You can picture him standing there... A like the flip on how the crop was the disease... Make me think... How fortunate we are in countries such as the UK and USA... Good vocabulary... Really made the piece hotter... Good... Flow wasnt consistent... Your rhyme scheme was very different... But it worked... Im guessing your experimenting... Keep it up man... Nice piece with a strong message... Hit up the links in my sig... Thanks... Pz... [/i] |
Very nice - I liked alot. Well described situation with strong closing point. I don't see anything to really criticize so I'll leave it at that.
Looking for some hits on my "Broken Metamorphisis" |
This should not be slept on...this piece was Dope!...your imagery was out of these world..and just like your last piece..you made it very easy for a reader to follow you..yes your scheme was a bit different but it worked out well...you vocab was good..this flowed very well..very nice...peace...I'm in Eclipse now.... ^^
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and chances are
you've bled when we used a tube and left your veins abused i'm a noisy acupuncturist and you're thinkin i ought to have you done for this but whats the harm? its just a bit of blood between friends from your leg,face or arm Whooooohooooo, .. nice story mate = ) .. to bad you cant be in the european championship .. 6-0 o.O .. meh but this was good man, good vocab strong immagery, concept, well used & written, very nice!, ..Up this yellow duck. |
Shit this was some dope shit!,.. =)
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Damn .. First off .. Let me say this .. Vocab and word usage was very high above average .. A couple times caught me like "Wat the eff?" .. LoL .. Had to re-read a couple parts a couple of times .. With that said .. This piece was dope .. I definitely felt how U explained and portrayed a simple thing so complexly .. And it felt as though U got it off so easily .. Endin' juss killed the piece man .. I was definitely feelin' this as a whole .. But to be true I didn't know wat the hell the title meant .. LoL .. But I guess I understand it now cuz I do understand the piece .. Keep writin' man .. Ur stuff's gettin' better everytime I read a piece from U .. One
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upping
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Man I loved this piece. VERY creative. Mosquito's perspective. Loved the line about "the mist of mollecular police" lol that shit was crazy. Best thing Ive read today. true hip hop...dope rhyming....dope concept.....dope message. Outstanding! I loved it.
if you get a chance peep my verse tell me what you think. |
upper cut
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wouldnt mind a reply.
or reply plural drop link and i'll reply bak |
dope as fuck!.
legend |
nice piece the immagery was dope,
i liked the short structure, nice and creaitve, not boring to read either like some OM's are. i liked the point of view it was from dope peace man!! peace |
nice vocab..content creative..nice writing skillz....imagery was nice as stated above..quality peice here...good work
rep1 |
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