dream a dream
 

I dream a dream
that one day i wont scream
ill wake up with a smile
no longer bein a child
grew up like a blossoming rose
a man from head to toes
and yet im still not a full man
I guess i dont fully understand

I dream a dream
that one day i wont cry
turn back to the day u didnt even say goodbye
that i wont have to let out that hurtfull sigh
maybe one day i wont feel remorse
and I can get off of this course
let it go and go on with my life
And maybe not feel pain or strife

I dream
that one day the pain will go away
that the day u left u really stayed
that u turned around and thought
that maybe the last look had u caught
that hopefully u would forget about leaving
that maybe i can once again begin breathing

I dont dream
not anymore
ever since u walked out the door
my life has been hell
I cant take it no more
it feels like im livin in a cell
now i no longer listen for the door bell!!!

yea this was deep... v.nice piece... I was feelin it

aiyyo that was a good one...totally feelin that shit dunny....deep shit yo...one

i get the gist of ya intent wit this piece son...the only thing is it sound very elementary...n ya senteces are kinda screwed

no longer bein a child
grew up like a blossoming rose < grew up...or grown up
a man from head to toes < head to toes...or toe
and yet im still not a full man < still notta man woulda made sense..no such thing as a full man


its all good wit these lil mistakes ma nig...im just elevating ya..for i know next time you wont make this error....but the overall concept fo ya piece was nice...

holla

one...hunnet

Well put with a certain amount of personal depth that added an extra edge to it...

...so it had some flaws, which i am sure Madd Preacher has mentioned...but overall it seemed a solid enough piece, which can be used to elevate from in the future...

...respect...

This had a good concept, I liked the title..It's what got me in the thread...You could have added a little more imagery or vocab but the emotion was still strong. I didn't really like the way you ended it tho, seemed kind of a humorous finish to a serious piece. Iono. Good job tho, i liked it for the most part.
Stay up.
Peace