Acuity vs. Drama Queen
Check in's due before Thursday 11:59 PM Eastern Time Zone Verses Due Before Sunday 11:59 PM Eastern Time Zone Line Limit: 20-50 Lines Max First to 3 votes win 3-0 = KO Voting Ends Wendesday, Feb. 16 at 11 PM Eastern Time Zone You must vote in 2 other battles or you will not continue on into the next round. Topic: A Walk in Darkness |
Checking in...g'luck!
DQ |
Checkin in...........gd luck
-AC |
REQUEST: 1day extension until saturday 11.59 Eastern
REASON: Little Sister had asthma attack so ill b spendin 2nite and 2moro visting her.. NOt duckin u DQ, ill drop 2moro girl... Peace THE JURY -AC |
Verse is due on Sunday, so I don't think you will need it. If you do, tell me tomorrow.
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Oh yea weerrrd........my bad..damn Px dat response was fast...kinda scary..lol
PEace THE JURY -AC |
Sorry bout ya sis fam...but no extension is needed I guess and if so, no problem with meh, I know you ain't ducking...
Started freaking out when I saw you were asking extension till Saturday but shit is due on Sunday so *relaxes* DQ (g'luck again, yeah Px is runnin this shit pretty well) |
I didn't grow up in the hood but please take a closer look If you think my life's a fairytale from a storybook I had every material thing a girl could wish for Until situations arose I couldn't handle no more Anger in my father's eyes: life featuring cocaine Mom was going insane,started cutting in her vein Ashtrays crushing the wall,bruises all over my body Seemed happy family,in reality: cheap and shoddy Kept my head up high until it all became too much Got addicted to that Dutch,asked money for one touch Felt used and confused when I came home in the morning And my dad started hitting me without any warning Silently sat in my room to pray it would all go away And I whispered to myself: not now but maybe someday . . . Now that time has finally come to stand on my own And move on alone, ready to leap into the unknown Still wonder how I managed to live with all that strife Work hard at school so as to stay away from the knife But those memories continue to haunt me in my dreams All the fights,the drugs,I can still hear those painful screams One thing I learned from it all,you have to stay strong Am even thankful that my parents showed me the wrong Try to leave it all behind me and keep it in the past Building the contrast because life is moving so fast I smile for the first time but have yet to reach my goal Am still seeking for that one person to make me whole Believe me, even though my future looks far from bright I'll keep on walking in darkness to find the light . . . DQ |
Haha, well I was lucky because I was viewing the forum and noticed your post. No school yesterday so I was on RV almost all day till 2:30. Thanks DQ. I appreciate everybody showing, means we can keep this tournament going.
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A Walk In Darkness
A Walk In Darkness Sound failed to resonate, all was spookily silent The grim reaper awaits, after my death most violent As the distorted metal entered my skin, and I fell My soul was released from within, BOOM! came death's knell The street landscape faded into black, my eyelids caved down I couldn't breath, felt suffocated, as if I had drowned I was scared by what became my surrounds, it was horrible The fact that around me was nothing, pure darkness was terrible Then at incredible speed, life events rushed passed my eyes fast Childhood to now, new meaning to the phrase: "A blast from the past" My heart cried as it started, my awakening walk in darkness All my actions of evil, from slanging, to bullying kids in classes My malevolent thoughts and any under-breath statement All had been recorded by this force, forcing me to lament Showed how a small criminal action by me had reactions Leading to a death, or making rich the illegal ghetto factions I was being tormented, shown how my life was wasted I had done nothing good for others, so happiness I never tasted As I floated through the dark transition to what lay beyond I wondered to myself, why, I chose to live my life in wrong's This was my judgement as I was suspended at purgatory For a life walking in darkness.............. ....................what would be the verdict of the angelic jury Is this how it ends of everyone that has passed As I stood in the pitch black, i took a breath andd gasped I searched for the angels, or for the something shinig bright Because mama always said, when your time comes follow the light But there was nothing, because in life i ignored the angel's harks My life had been spent in the shadows, strolling the dark I realised I had no excuses for how in life I embarked So this was my death experience, with hell it was met As I floated throuth the black, my mind was filled with regret As the darkness started to fade...it was met with heat I was so hot, the skin began to melt on my feet The walk came to an abrupt yet punctuating end As the darkness faded into a blinding red (for people who dont get it...its a story about what happens after death, someone is shot and he/she describes their transition to hell through a walk in darkness..and also they go to hell for a life spent walking in darkness) GL DQ... :thumbup: THE JURY - AC |
Acuity- Pretty good verse... I know you explained what it's about at the end, i just didn't think it was the best way you could approach this topic... Your lines were stretched, which i guess means you could fit more in to it but i dislike that style...
Is this how it ends of everyone that has passed As I stood in the pitch black, i took a breath andd gasped ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Best line in my opinion, i like the double rhyme in the second line, helps make the line not seem so long... Pretty good job, just not likin how you approached it. 7/10 Drama Queen- Damn girl, lovin the verse... I literally only saw one thing wrong with the whole thing, like A, your lines were stretched, you can fit a lot of shit in to shorter lines, or even make the topical longer, and make your lines shorter, i just really hate stretched lines... But you packed this whole verse so full of emotion, great job... One thing I learned from it all,you have to stay strong Am even thankful that my parents showed me the wrong That was my favorite line, good job here... 9/10... Vote-Drama Queen. |
um this was a close battle..........
DramaQueen - good verse overall....pretty good multies.....rhyme scheme coo......not alot vocab...but it migh have hurt if used any though....so I think it was good thing to keep it simple.....good structer too....good job overall acuity - I think there was something awkward about your verse.....like sertain line were u shoulda kept it simple u put alotta vocab.....and lines were u needed it u didnt put anything that really showed enough importance.....but u had a coo rhyme scheme....structer was coo to....overall pretty good..... but in the end my vote goes to..................................... V/DQ |
sorry the site made the 2 comments^ bunch together....................
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Only battle I could vote on...
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=176275 Thanks for fully explained votes, much appreciated! DQ |
Drama Queen wins this due to a 2-0 KO.
CLOSED |
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