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Shades Of Grey In My Unlikely Addiction
Shades Of Grey In My Unlikely Addiction
I can’t think anymore my thoughts blending with fear Sending severe thoughts in my head, I’m bending my ears Shedding some tears, the fact I can’t break free of thoughts I disagree with distraught I can’t imagine the evil I brought This mental upheaval I fought, leads a traumatizing Face Riding these waves and leaving all of the cries in disgrace Wishing to find my place in life, left with this grueling affliction Deft doing the suspicious, as it seems to fuel my addiction Though I was raised in a pool of Christians, but my ambition, Through lies and imprisonment, as I strive in my in vision My decision I visit through the dying glisten of pessimistic lies These sadistic tribes deprived, as the rest in risked “byes” This ballistic demise, as cocaine flames my surrealistic eyes Separated by the antagonistic divide, as its raining visions My brain is stuck in a feign arcane containment of Satan’s wisdom This insane domain of other worldly precision…. ……………………………………….As its tainting my fatal envisions Unstable to finish, unable to save & restrain my “Saint”… …………………………………………fr om Death in a blatant collision my aching position is breaking the fate of the haven My visual apparation to sniff what’s on that bloody paper This muddy vapor, but later on I get feeling to rape her Put Death On All Fours, Play its game, destroy her career Of taking in victims of tears and addiction, boiling their fears Deploying my dears enjoying this annoying thought of sex Without regret, put my Stick of Life right into her Rotting Flesh Sobbing and wet astounded at newfound addiction to Death Mixture of sweat, blood and tears, with friction in breath I return in realistic scene feeding on meth, insane wrought I swirl to Grims lot heaving heavy, with strained sought For fraught engulf my bladed thoughts, I obey to watch With raided flocks of Satan’s mocks of crazy behavior As I walk the daisies of dread, waiting the hazy traitors Get this white plague out of my system, I’m remaining vigilant By then I lick my lips to Death with such insane elegance My vigor dome shows rigor mortis & odor of lies moreover… To motor his grin eager to let show, my October eyes Sober In Stress the Grim Reaper of Death glows… over my shoulder… I Had an addiction to meth, had to fight it.. So I... Fucked Death hard in the ass and I think I liked it |
YO SON... THAT WAS FUCKING RETARTED FAM....
i know i sound it like a nobs or whatever but honestly that is what i thought of while i was reading it.... danm.... i think this is one of the sickest open mic in here... R-evolution better watch out there is someone aiming for that spot light he had when he drop I am God... but this is def sick.. the flow was on-point throu out the whole verse.. flawless... the concept of this topic was good but had been thought off before but the CREATIVENESS MADE IT FLAWLESS... The Emotion presented in this topic was HIGH AND VIVID AND MADE A PERFECT IMAGE IN MY HEAD... Sorry the only probley that i had thou... is that i can only quote the WHOLE VERSE if i had to pick my favorit line True Story... The ending was GREAT... To motor his grin eager to let show, my October eyes Sober In Stress the Grim Reaper of Death glows… over my shoulder… I Had an addiction to meth, had to fight it.. So I... Fucked Death hard in the ass and I think I liked it ^^ LMFAO GREATNESS.... This Def get Open Mic of the Month.... Word.... 300 J.G We Running This Rap Shit..... |
Damn.....I Gotta Agree With Ransum On This 1.....Shit Was Fire Fam....Everything About It Was On Point And The Concept Was Cool....Stay Up Fam
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Wow, I want to give a comment to help you out, but I can't think of anything because this was perfect.
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^^^^^^^^ exactly what everyone else said real good shit.....wicked as fuck and deep but i liked it alot.....very creative to.....no flaws in this one.....keep the shit up man....~1~
.....by the way check out my newest piece called Betrayal....give me some ways to improve if u can .... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=243760 .......... |
Um thanks fams.
I got your peice. Still lookin for feed. |
dawg u did ur thang on diss piece yo, a artist doin beautiful art wow. good job fams, this put the crew more in the spot light and yourself. i couldnt find n e thing that was worded wrong yo lol shyt, n ur punches were great yo great. i dont kno wat else 2 say but damn
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LMAO ROFL!!!
What Punches? LMAO!! |
nigga that shit hot... all i gotta say is lay that over a beat and u got yo self a track...
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flow didn't really go with your thick fog of vocab, but it was original i guess, some lines were good
Sobbing and wet astounded at newfound addiction to Death Mixture of sweat, blood and tears, with friction in breath stick of life was kinda lame too |
Your lame you shit.
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man... i had a whole big breakdown of this.... not typing it all over again... in short it basically said that you tried way too hard to add vocabulary and it took away from your piece because you have way too many grammatical errors and wrong usage of some of the words you chose.... i had examples and everything....
I swirl to Grims lot heaving heavy, with strained sought Though I was raised in a pool of Christians, but my ambition, Through lies and imprisonment, as I strive in my in vision ……………………………………….As its tainting my fatal envisions there are more but your word choices are all wrong here.... it confuses your reader and makes no sense at all... real lyricists actually look at your lyrics and break them down.... beats, when applicable, are secondary... know what you're writing... mean what you say... and be able to back up WHY you worded the things in the manner that you did.... best line was easily the last line... you should have stuck with this simple approach the whole way thru and we would have seen the REAL you coming out in this piece.... i'd rather the real over the flashy any day... kats can tell when sumn is being forced on them.... don't take it to heart.... just my observation.... speak from inside of yaself and don't worry about tryna impress kats, especially on THIS site.... most are either dickriders tryna get friends or haters who've been here forever and never got any respect (basically because they were haters) grammar and word usage were the the only major issues i saw with this.... keep writing.... you'll step it up if you keep at it |
the concept as a whole was ill.......not uncommon.....but ur delivery of the whole thing as far as composition and multis and flow was very carefully formed.....vocab was like whoa......complexity....psssh forget about it, this is def a piece to be read and not spoken or else the reader/listener will not capture this....
ur dash of metaphor in some places gave it a great edge but ur picture paintins in alot of places gave it some deep realism than whats on the surface of this addiction that many have....... im feelin it....... |
nice piece but too many big words for me.
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dope shit fam... really dope.. im glad u got out of that meth shit... fight the system... and if u can fuck it too... glad u got out.. this shit was on point.. really dont have much to say cus everybody pretty much said it all.. but yea dope shit great vocab. keep that shit up fam.
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