Sidewalks
 

Lying in ruin with an empty bottle
my body is lifeless and im still hollow
my eyes glazed over the same
gazing into somethin i canot attain
black paper with glued sprinkles look back at me
only to realize that the perception is my galaxy
youre my world, i can see it in your eyes
youre love is my oxygen
and i have breathed you for the last time
my bottles run dry
and youve left me for the better kind
the sidewalk is cold as i lie on it
but my bodys still warm from when u died on it
its dark outside
the street lights beckon me
stumbling upwards to meet my grace
cruched by an empty bottle in a sacry place
i make my way back to you again
slow and steady, the knives in my back grow heavy
diffrent face, diffrent person
but its still u inside, standing on the corner
under the flickering yellow light that reads corona
the apartment above is on fire
and were showering in the ashes of our desires
everythin i ever gaze upon withers in my hand
i drop to a knee and find my bottle full again
the sober edge is comin back
the painfull reality mite return soon
the sad flower in my heart will never bloom
as long as i drown it in sweet sorrows god wrote
so the on coming comfort is rushed down my throat
the taste is a deternt that will be overcome
the burnin that i feel is what ive become
an annoyance, a failure to succeded
the only thing stopin you is wats stopin me

Lookin for a battle
 

Yo, Ya niggaz ya know me well
now niggaz hearts is beatin fast cuz the kid home from jail
but I
get love when Im back around
even though I got beef wit like half the town
cuz they respect me
cuz Im gangsta like pesci
gun game official wont nann nigga test me
but bitch niggaz stay on point stay right
catch you Imma buck at you face in day light
mother fuckers wanna know what Im doin now that Im back
and do I still rep for that eagle on my back
well Imma set the record straight for ya'll
you fake ass niggaz I got hate for ya'll
with that bullshit ya pulled we could never make amends
I showed ya niggaz loyalty that ya'll never see again
:shoot:

?

the whats good?battle?

Wasnt lookin for a battle, was just trying to get a piece out.

i eat yo mic.

I like this piece. The content has been written about alot, but you have managed to do it with original style and that was refreshing.

black paper with glued sprinkles look back at me
only to realize that the perception is my galaxy
youre my world, i can see it in your eyes
youre love is my oxygen
and i have breath you for the last time

This part really stood out to me, the way it is written is truly beautiful.
I felt that it fell off a little in the middle area though, got a little vague to me.. But the ending was great. Particularly the last line.

The only real advice I could offer is to take a little time with presentation. I know its not important to most, but I do think presentation is a key element to how people react to your poetry, as it shows pride in your work.

Nice write. T.

Thanks

Put a revised version of it in the first post, feedback would be great.

Nice language used. I loved the comparison between bottles of oxygen turned to liquor... nice. Write more stuff!!! :P

Yo this was a very interesting piece! ... I had read it twice to grasp everything u were saying overall...."C+" nice work