First drop in a while - horror type
 

cut like satans stare, is where demons be at,
like sex hunting zombie necrophiliacs
make your face turn white like the mask of mike myers
send shivers to your bone,Like your callin lucia sire.
like Fox mulder ill find your body there smoKING
X marks the spot but the hooks in your throat kid.
My face will mark your eyes like scorn of hell
you wont see little nicky but youll see more than you can tell.
by the time youve watched the suffer be like a stroke on the brain..
itense burnin unable to control the pain!!

UPPPPINNN..for feed please

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3268140 <<<LINK

alright I'm going to give you constructive criticism to get you to start writing better open mics and topicals for this site.

First of all, you want to tell something like a story, and stop throwing in a bunch of references to other stories and call it a 'rap', I know this is open mic but the main idea of every subject is the subject itself, not the subjects within the genre.

next, you want to make your verses longer. This is the second piece I read that you wrote and if it isn't longer then you'll never have the time to have an opener or ending to your open mic. the idea is to construe a message, not lay down a bunch of shit and hope it works out like some sort of tribal battlefield.

feel me

So yeah, try these two things for your next open mic and I'll leave feedback on that one, and help you with forming topicals further into detail

have a good one