Dervla. vs Stanza.
 

Check in due 3rd of september. 11:59 Pacific
Battles due 7th of september.11:59 Pacific
Voting will end 11th of september. 11:59 Pacific
Next round will go up 12th of september

Looser leaves the tournament :thumbup:

........................................Checkin In................................

...Im Better Off Alone...

Im Beter off alone with myself Noone else
with me, I am myself, and I love to hang with I
Puttin my feelings away on a shelf
I Let my life pass me by
By, Being alone in this world of couples and Groups
I myslef sit and watch As It Fucks with my mind
Not makin a dime to make a payment on my bentley coup
Just a pocket full of quaters because I aint fuckin with Dimes
Keeping to myself I find that I get very lonely
as others taunt my Idleness ...I sit in dispair
Got Nigga's on the watch waiting to Stone me
I can feel Your Hate, as it floats in the air

So As I Sit alone on a chair in the park
a lady comes along and conversations start
I want to be with her but I Need some help
Because I feel like The I Am better Off By Myself

Hello...........

Alone from the outside.
 

Born....
from the womb, attach with a gift
to take in fascination of apocalypse.
Memorizes the damage and screams
collect and hangs newspapers, magazines
on the walls. Taking him back from reality,
falling in the fogs of tough natural density
feelings its own wetness of tears; can’t climb out
stuck n his own abyss with craze predictions
nothing is false-everything to him is realization,
scarred by the whips of god’s best creation.
Deck of cards surrounded all over the floor,
black hearts symbolize the numerous arson souls
orange and red eating their human flesh as whole.
Going through hell first before they reach heaven
sad, but it gives me an erection of sexual tension.
Flip the diamond and got yourself a crystal twister,
an object fill with air and sharp-a blood blister
going through shelters and anyone in its path
humans too, stuck in the core having a vapor bath.
Flip the hearts and spades-got a grim reaper,
one swish from the scythe-become a eternal sleeper.
Combine all of these and you got a...

January 8th, the great twister 1890
killed 8 thousand homes and 600 people
may 10th, the great flood 1990
flooded atlest 130 homes and killed 500 people.
september 26, 1870 the red dragon
killed 60 kids and only kids.

Twisted mind Joker.

“Not going outside, staying here alone, free from natural disasters”

..bah this was keyed and quick written..Bye.

I Guess we uppin for more votes....................................

Dervla: verse was pretty good, except i dont think it followed the concept of the topic....Structure wasent too off and vocabulary was nice not too overdone, like you said it was done quick, you could have done it better and more key to topic , although i thought it was good.....



Stanza, Your structure fucked me up a little much but it dident seem to hinder your flow much, i also felt you dident put much effort into this ither...
Your a top head on here and you dident come as hard as you normally do...anyway i felt your verse was on topic...in perticular i liked your closer

v/stanza

Thanx Man 1-0 ,..................Uppin for more votes ANd I wont be postin links but ALL OPEN battles will get voted on by me but im sick of postin my links just know I always vote on all open battles unless its somethin Blockin me from doin so

Thank You

Stanza.-Wow your verse was pathetic, First off this is a topical tournement dawg. You wrote "stanza's" as if it was a fucking poem. You had 1 line...then another...then another which would rhyme with the line before that...then another which would rhyme with the middle line...Like wtf...As if your begininning of your topical piece was any easier...You kind of set it up in a text sort of way because your line was so fucking stretched you needed 2 lines for it. WHACK! and..you had no emotion, no illustration of imagery...no vocabulary to bring out your verse...just so many things you need to work on my man. Its aggrivating to know that you've been on this site for a while...i mean...stanza,aimez,stanza. and still dont know how to format a verse.


Dervla.-Your verse i was not feeling either...though you had more attributes in your verse than you opponent..you created some what of an image in my mind for me...and your vocabulary was by far better...i mean just had an actual topical piece...not some bland shit. Its easy to say you one becuz the verse actualy was some what in story mode and emotional and what not

overall v/dervla.

I Didnt write no motherfukin stanza's I jus put my last words in 4 lines i wasnt even thinkin bout no stanza's lol ...................I see what your talkin bout ...but I always put my mian points away from the rest of my drop

but whateva

1-1

no hate stanza. just feedback take it how ever you want.

Oh nawl man Dont take me wrong i get what you sayin i see it now But I jus wanted you to know I didnt really want it to be taken that way lol

No Hate man I Aprreciate the feed ...It helps me grow

Stanza - ehh, your verse was too short, and the fault in that was that there could not be enough emotion injected in it, and the verse wasn't very complex either, the overall meaning of the topic usage was prety decent, just work on your complexity

Dervla - your verse didnt have a great rhyme scheme either, but you had more complexity with vocabulary and grasp on actual rhyming. the meaning of your shit was good as well, and i think you beat out stanza becaue of your ability to rhyme with complexity, and sanzas lenght was a falut as well

v - dervla

Stanz. - your verse was short and sweet and missing a lot of crutial things that topicals/poems need to have. You had really good emotion which is a big factor but you didn't have complexity or a colorful vocabulary to enhance the imagery or emotion. You put a good swing of things to the topic but that was about it. Like Soul said, work on the complexity, and the vocab.

Derv - Good spin you put on the topic. The emotion, vocabulary and imagery were all a level or two up from where Stanza's was at. Your piece flowed off the tongue nicely and none of the rhymes seemed forced. Good writing.

\V/ - Derv

3-1.

K, I'll be editing this with links of my voting. pz.