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BaByGeE894 07-23-02 06:14 PM

Murder
 
Intro
Blood smeared across the sheets in the mansion's master bedroom/
A blade had sealed the fate of one person's inevitable red-doom/

It all started off with an innocent little kiss/
And led to the bedroom where neither participant could resist/
The passion and lust consuming every part of their body/
Knowing that noone else could know they were being naughty/
Mr. Monroe was a married man and Ms. Jane his daughter's friend/
They knew it was wrong but didn't want it to end/
Then Ms. Jane got pregnant with Mr. Monroe's baby and urged him to leave his wife/
But Mr. Monroe knew that by doing this he would be ruining his life/
Ms. Jane, however, refused to keep it under wraps/
So he came up with a plan, he would kill her, perhaps/
He couldn't have her destroying what had taken him so long to create/
So at dinner he began getting madder as he thought and he ate/
He invited Ms. Jane over one last time because it was part of his scheme/
Then attacked her with a knife, twisting it around and making her scream/
And as Ms. Jane screamed louder, Mr. Monroe smiled cause he knew no one heard her/
And only until his own family rushed through the door with the police, did he think he had committed the perfect murder...

Ibro_Palic 07-23-02 06:59 PM

nice grafic and and i like how you twist the lyrics to make them all rhyme. Sweet piece,

-*LoGik*- 07-23-02 10:13 PM

holy shit this was ill
nice as fuck visual
good story telling
and Im feeling the lay out
nice as fuck boo....one of my fav.s of yours now
1. much luv

D-QUEL 07-23-02 10:15 PM

good story line, kinda simple but it was all good cuz tha story kept me in to it, nice peice, keep writing

peace

~1~

PabloPoe 07-23-02 10:15 PM

Ok...
I like the intro...ur imagination On this was steady perfect, I like how u made it like an opening scene and all...perfect for da reader's...

the rest of the poem started calm and everything...than it got alil twisted...i like how u made it short and explained it well with them words, u got good imagination u'kno?...the end was banana's...how the family had cuaght dis duke....nice twisted poem....i never thought of a topic for a poem like this..good shit ma'...pz1

Damen 07-23-02 10:52 PM

Dope.

Word UP !

Tru "The Return" 07-23-02 11:28 PM

Okay why he gotta get caught?

this was tight you kinda took my style(not MY style but the story tellin style)

It sounded like a movie off lifetime... you been watchin lifetime? lol

Then attacked her with a knife, twisting it around and making her scream/
And as Ms. Jane screamed louder, Mr. Monroe smiled cause he knew no one heard her/


HAHAHAHA yes yes yes... my favorite lines...
nice.. yes yes yes scream bitch scream no one can hear you...

much props...
do more murder....

HuNNeD

Epik Truth 07-24-02 12:06 AM

Nice story

In my opinon writting a poem that's a story is somewhat difficult because your limited to word useage, and it might not always turn out the way you wanted it to with out the right words. But you manage to glue everything together perfectly into this story of deceit, well done.

-Epik

[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ] 08-04-02 02:33 AM

You have been awaitin fo` ma reply fo` quite sometime,
and i am deeply sorry bout taking so long ...
Looks though you got some fans though,
they just took the words outta ma mouth ( not fair :( ) lol
I think the story line was very imaginative,
just like a mid day movies ... dope/
You keep up wid the theme it didnt slide ....
Props/


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