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Miss-Behaving vs. I am unreal
Ok so it's week 3. You must drop a minumum of 16 lines and try and keep the amount of lines even ish.
If you are unsure about the rules then click here ok. check in by thursday drop by sunday voting ends tuesday DO YOUR OWN TOPIC!. YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN TOPIC AND WRITE TO IT DO COME DOPE AND PLEASE NO RECYCLING! |
Check. Probable topic: The ties of hate
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Checking in.... clueless what ill write to yet but yeah... Goodluck :thumbup:
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Plagiarized.
Envision this: perforated kids in a darkened basement… Bodies stacked like Adam’s rib rack, missing containment Insane met grace, yes. The killer’s art is his asylum Locks away his pieces with other’s who’ve signed them. Count on the fingers and walk away on the toes… His heart bleeds with remorse, but doesn’t stain on his clothes. Uses his pen as a blade, stabbing the page’s surface It crumples into a heap, falls, and is reverted Stop. This is where he edits his life…. Uncrumples the paper and turns the day into night. He illuminates the sky, one star at a time Piece after piece are stolen through crime. Line after line, he expresses his anguish ever so cautiously Follow me through his eyes as he reads his own copies In newspapers and books, his works in that were never submitted Trials the imposters, who were never acquitted… What he’s awarded doesn’t exactly amount to crock Because if you mind your money… You’re worth more than pennies for thoughts. |
Im really sorry, I completely forgot to write this. Ill write it today at work, and if its alright with everyone, ill drop as soon as I get home tonight (about 9pm GMT).
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ok but miss have to drop today if not your DQ'd and i am wins.
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Darkest Alone on a station she sits and waits for her train to arrive, but the hour grows late He watches her breast rise and fall, so much he plans to do his insides writhing with anticipation, his hungry eyes burning blue feeling scared, she silented preying he'd break his athirst stare she folded her arms acrost her chest and made belief he wasnt there. Undetered he moved closer and sat down, oggling her form placed both his hands in his lap, as it grew increasingly warm fondling his bulge gently, he sighed, teased to full attention the harsh pull of the fabric not the smallest prevention she could feel his lecturous breath on her neck and instantly she winced but her fear built his excitement and his fever just intensed fast, more demanding, she stood sharply to blot away too late, he grabs her wildly hard, commanding, no choice but to stay arms out-stretched in front of her to soften the asphalt kiss but gravity was on the enemies side, and the concrete did insist. Head bobbing, a queer smile crept acrost his face oblivious to his surroundings, lost in his dream place. The girl across the way, stood slowly and h past the hunched up, be-coated figure, sleeping fast blissfully unaware of the sicknesses sweaty swell, as the train pulls away, probably just as well. |
another nice drop from both greatwriters...nice writing and great story telling from both opponents and nice detail and evolutionized emotion my dudes!...
my vote goes to Miss Behaving. more depth in story telling and emotion and more creativity. i am you had great multies and great complexity but the story kept falling off and some didnt seem to fit but nice drop sfrom both opponents! |
Unreal had nice imagery and his word flowed nicely wit eachother..... Miss Beaving, great wurk and I loved the mood and setting. Miss Behaving ups the ante every week, she gets better and better... I love readin her peices. But I think Unreal out did her a bit wit a lil more symbolism, methaphors, and multis..... great battle to u bothe
winner- I Am Unreal |
one more voter cus its a tie...
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This is the first geniounly dope battle we've had in the league. Both were evenly matched and came with nice pieces. I like both your writing styles, Unreals metaphors are sick and Miss Behavings story/verse style is original and done very well.
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That was dope as fuck from Unreal, but he kind of fell off after that. I loved the imagery in them lines but you kind of missed the mark with the rest of your verse. Your idea was nice and if you spent a little more time on it could have been dope as fuck. I thought your rhyme scheme was dry at times, especially in the last 6 lines. This could have been rectified by better flowing rhymes and some well placed internals. Don't get me wrong, you dropped well but instead of being like "FOMGZ THAT WAS DOPE!" I'm just giving you tips to improve. Miss Behaving came with a nice piece too, which was a little rushed in some places but overal potrayed a dark story which conveyed emotion and desperation. I liked the metaphor of the train leaving the station symbolising his humanity and reasoning leaving him as he raped the woman. I wasn't sure if you meant it but it was nice nonetheless. Your description was good as well, though one of the lines really jumped out at me as forced. Quote:
Apart from that your drop was very good, and I'm very glad you're writing again. Good battle but I'ma give this to Miss Behaving for a more descriptive and better executed piece. I see both of you in the Champ match in future weeks so keep writing. V/ Miss Behaving |
Miss Behaving wins 2-1
Miss Behaving 2-0 I am Unreal 1-1 |
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