Off to War
 

gun shots rang out over the city/
an had everybody duckin they facial expression shitty/
oppurtunity rare so defend ya homeland security/
its clear to me that are leader has no sincerity/
war is hell so that means i'm workin for the devil/
cant last too long i'll soon meet the dirt an the shovel/
screams of anger when they drop me down inch by inch/
we puttin up walls hussein can only put up a fence/
we got big guns these rebels aint got no defense/
pushin for war artillery is ready to be deployed/
playin wit big toys we can leave whole cities destroyed/
reason wit out a meaning can create entire destruction/
layers upon layers of rubble seems like the site of contruction/
two sons die for what cost while the father still lurks/
posted up wanted posters alive or possibly murked/
time to withdraw and rethink our whole perception/
for unnecessary deaths caused from a misdirection/
i think i could understand killin hussein/
but i see its causin more pain an bush is kinda of insane/
need to put him in chain and have medics examine his brain/
what happen to mind ya own business and stop being nosey/
trouble circles trouble its like ring around the rosey/
cat always catches the mouse we can tell whose who/
no weapons of mass destruction so what can u do/
off to war i go i'm takin bout ten of them out/
and lace my weapon wit bullets the size of brussels sprouts/
wars not the answer but i'm feelin it now/
somethin bout guns that makes me wanna hold shit down/

your flow wasn't too bad, but it was still
elementary, the content here was good
i felt it, umm 'merk' is a terrible word that
shit pisses me off, but whatever. you closed
it nicely and badly at the same time, i mean
hold shit down...it sounds like some kid off
the block with a wicked jumpshot slangin'
crackrock type shit and that's not my steez
at all, but yeah...work on rhyme scheme
shorten your bars a bit, you have potential
i can see it. elevate. pz

Rhyming/Flow
Was Average, You Need To Add MUlti's To Smooth It Out And Take It From o.k - Tight! It Was A Little Choppy In Some PLaces. 5/10

Vocab/Wordplay
You Have Good Vocab, BUt Try To Use It MOre Than ONce In A Line, You KNow?
"time to withdraw and rethink our whole perception/
for unnecessary deaths caused from a misdirection/ - THat Is A Good Bar There, Using Complex Vocab More Than Once In A Line!
You Had Some Wordplay Too: "we puttin up walls hussein can only put up a fence" - THis Was Pretty Weak, But It's A Start! ..7/10

Concept/Topic
This Topic Is PLayed Out! I Used It Once Ages Ago, Now That The War Is "over", Catz ARn't Really INterested In It! PIck Something That Specificly Relates To You! .. 5/10

Overall
Could Have Been Better, Will Be Better When You Elevate! You Had Mad Potential, Can't Wait To See You IN A few Months Time! Up Your Vocab, Worpdlay, FLow (multis) n' Pick a realating TOpic! .... 6/10

Word!

thanks for all good advice