|
Enygma Vs. Ingenius Mind
.::Rules::. 20-Line Minimum 30 Line Maximum No Crew No Hate No D/R Checks Due By 8-20-04 Spits Are Due 8-22-04 Votes Due By 8-25-04 Topic: Envy Good Luck To Both! ~R~ |
*Check The Sign Up Thread...You Did Sign Up*
check |
Check....
Stop bitching or just no show.....Either way, I'll still win :thumbup: |
just stop talkin shyt man...u really gonna regret dis
|
This is a true story.....I had to keep it a little short though, cause I wanted to write about 50 lines or so, but the limit was 30 One of the worst days of my life.....my father just died Now all my emotion came back that I had balled up inside I hated this man.....he left me and my mom when I was three I had so much anger built up......as far as the eye could see Why didn't he love me?...Why couldn't he call or write? All I remebered was his fro....even though he was tall and white He never gave a fuck about me.....so now it's fuck you too dad I can't even fake a tear for you....that sucks, it's too sad I've just sunk to your level.....shit, I can't sink any further Mom even turned her head....though I think it had hurt her But it's like you're still laughing at me....saying "how's this for a twister The reason I left your mom was to live with your older sister" SISTER?!?!?!........How the fuck could this even be true Mom, what the fuck?.....did you make him leave her for you? How come you never told me about any of his other children What about his life have i missed?....What else haven't you filled in? All the years living with animosity....there was no need for the cruelty I guess I'll just have to wait and hear his friends speak at the eulogy Me and my sister were the next of kin.....I just met her too Now me and a stranger have to see a dead man we never knew? We were left alone with the body....I mean, it hardly felt right But for some odd reason we both clung to each other and held tight Now the eulogy is being given and his friends all speak highly of him Now........I'm wishing that I had at least tried to love him They talk about how funny he was and we all shared a tear And how he traveled to play basketball....so he was never here And he was a champion in pool.....and once he bowled a 279 Even talked well for a deaf man....I wonder if in heaven he signed People talk about his ability with kids.....and how he was awful generous For all these years I hated this man..... ....but now I am envious |
January 1, 2004 "Its Not Fair" Why is it that what ever I want I just could never have it... I've done alot of good deeds, I just don't understand it... I've always been there for him when ever i was needed.. N i even forgave him after the times i was mistreated... But wen i heard the words, "im in luv" i couldn't believe it... It hurt alot inside after da 100 times he would reapeat it.. Now dat i know he's in luv, I couldn't ever show how i feel... U have no idea how hard it is to have mah luv concealed.. When ever he gets close to me, at times I just want a kiss... N i just want 2 tell him, jst once! then forever u'll remember this... But I still can't say it, show how i feel, cuz he's wit someone.. Damn, I'll do anything for this to change, just to get it undone... Its wierd knowin i fell for someone i knew for a short time... Only 6 months, and everyday I want him to be more mine... Without him! My life will be more worst then u'll ever imagine... And its my life, and even I don't know wut could even happen... Yesturday I was wit him, i was just about to go express mah self.. Then he says saturdays their aniversary, then mah feelins agen i held... Damn, I've wished too many times for that day to be ours... But it won't happen, cuz the person that luvs him is a coward.. Whenever i see them kiss, I always imgaine in my mind... That im the one kissing him, I imagine dis all of the time... I should stop thinkin like dis cuz im gettin way too jealous... That she will always have him, n im alone like the other fella's January 1, 2007 "The News" My heart shatterd into a million pieces wen i heard the news.. That he was going to get married next year, january twenty two... I keep thinkin in my head, "they were suppost to be broken up by now".. My minds full of jealousy while he's sayin,"im gettin married!" out loud... I give up now! even though i want him but i guess God won't let me... Always forever till the day I die, Da person marryin him i will always "envy" |
uppin
|
IM-nice piece okay emotion but you shouldve focused omore on the pain of his marriage/your envy because that wouldve allowed some nice emotions to lfow through...and you couldve ogne in the direction of how you deep depression you went in/how you tried to ruin their life or ruined yours but ok/good overall...kinda followed a storyline but ehhh didnt cut it 30/50
Enygma-dman kid nice piece.........good subject........could feel how ya hated him in da beggining...and ended up hating yourself for not loving him/envying.....good emotion it flowed.....oyu knid of followed a sotry nice piece 35/50 v/Enygma |
Ingenius- your peice was alright, but nothing really stood out about it exept your feelings. By that, I mean your rhyme scheme wasn't what it could've been, vocab wasn't there... you had strong feelings though... and that told a story by itself... but the story it told was one that I've heard millions of times in every poem I've read by a female.
Enygma- yours was ok... i mean... but if you hated him so much what diffrence does it make that he was good at bowling & pool? He was soooooo good with children that he left you... really, there's nothing to be envied. Showed good emotion though... rhyme scheme was weak... I think this battle could go either way. Both had some major flaws in their verses, Ingenius Mind's was played and she needed to up her vocab .Enygma's just didn't really stick to the topic exept at the end, his hate for his dad overshadowed what he was envious of and it made the "Envious" part not make too much sense... his verse was original though, i'll give him that. v/ Enygma |
Quote:
Ditto... No Need For Repitition... Vote: Enygma I'd Apreciate It If You Could Vote On My Battle Against Babylon... .One. |
Aight Enygma You Surprised Me Here...You Came Harder Than I Thought You Would. Nice Vocabulary and Word Usuage Threwout Your Verse. Rhyme Scheme and Structure Was Off but Your Emotion and Vocabulary Helped You Out. Overall Nice Drop. Ingenius Mind You Came A Little Wack For All The Hype Peeps Was Giving You. You Need To Elevate On Structure, Vocab, and Word Usuage. Just Get That Together...Along With Creativity and You'll Do Well. Vote - Enygma ~R~ |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:12 AM. |