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Touch - L.I. & LyricALI
Touch
By: L.I. & LyricALI A Quiet Storm Production A river flows below my pupils. I slam the door Each step down the stairs expresses my required support He stole my heart. The robbery is still in progress My hope is defeated. My end to life’s process I slide into my trap and turn the ignition My goal was flipping this machines position The puddle on my windshield parallels my actions Concluding my thoughts. I pray God will forgive this last sin A thump on my door. “What do you want?” I asked him These hopeless eyes connected as he lifted his hat brim The downpour of rain and tears brought an angel to me Retaining my life by repeating three words that soothed me An unfolding journey remains. It is labeled as life It would’ve been my end.. if that angel never came that night Floating down the rivers bend I feel the sorrow and pain slip Away as a girls life begins to end Thoughts of suicide begin to drip As the sight of death starts to appear The shades of darkness fades to light As i inch closer to her only to see tears I see the desperation in her take flight As she picks up the something and begin To slice, No part of this is right taking Her own life, i knock on the window trim I look inside and see that i am mistaken Wet and shivering a gray expression untold Pained emotions swirled in the nights glare I reach out to touch her, n say "let life unfold" Everything is over, you can awake from this nightmare Part 1: L.I. Part 2: LyricALI |
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aiight first thing I noticed. Both y'alls structures differ. lol I think L.I.'s was easier to read. althought both had dope story to them. first story was dope, with the angel saved my life part. some deep shit there. like I could picture the shit happening.
second was was tight too. the part about girl like lsitting her wrists i believe it was. and nice touch with the nightmare at end. liked that. good shit. overall this is a tight lil drop. too short tho, wish y'all took it longer tho. lol 9.5/10 good shit f'real. good luck with feed tho. nobody gives a shit about OM anymore. lol RTF on audio track ~_~ http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=232068 |
Better OM them PS..
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But hopefully we can bring some life back into PS
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Personally I wasn't really feeling L.I.'s verse. It felt artificial to me with the way that he had such contrasting vocabulary. Often it was more simplistic but then with lines like:
A river flows below my pupils. I slam the door Each step down the stairs expresses my required support That just sounds so fake to me, like who would ever phrase it like that? Eh, just alot of the wording I took issue with, although it did flow... I'm more for content over rhyme scheme any day. As for Led, I liked your piece. More poetic approach, the rhyme scheme could have been beefed up a bit being as this is an Om. Aside from that you had a very natural and fluent verse that I felt was very emotive and clearly depicted you stance as L.I.'s character's support system, or object of desire or whatever. Overall, this was a decent collab but I didn't really feel like the two styles really meshed too well. |
=\ Thanks for reading and leaving feedback though! If you could explain what sounds fake about that bar it'd help alot. I'm confused on what confuses you about it :)
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"Stairs expresses my required support"
It just sounds off to me *shrug* Be cool if you could returnd the favor though, "Nature was a Hip-Hop Head" ft. Jekyll & D.H. Brixton |
Yeah I'll hit it up tonight, no problem.
And about that quote.. Each step down the stairs expresses my required support. With each step down shes going away from her support. And at the bottom its gone.. |
It wasn't that I didn't understand it, it was just worded awkwardly.
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